Thank you, Barbara. I'm not sure we can actually plan for either of those, but I guess it helps to stay open to the possibility that any moment might be that moment. Great to see you here.
I don't think it's really about getting the peopling math right (or wrong). It's more important that we stay open, watchful even, to catch it when something actually matters. Thanks so much, John, and you have my blessing for people-verbing anytime!
Once again, your writing gently nudges the reader to walk along with you and pause to think how a simple step in follow-up can make a meaningful difference. Thanks!
You *are* busy, my friend. So consider this also a reminder that it's okay to do less sometimes. It's always a lift to know you've stopped by. Thank you.
Just beautiful, Elizabeth. I have a physically frail and increasingly eccentric cousin who lives alone, atop a flight of stairs, and has been on my mind. The difficulty of helping is compounded by her reluctance to accept help. Do you know Diana Athill’s wonderful memoir about aging? She said, at 89, that while she remained pretty vigorous, she found herself spending more time helping friends who were not. This devotion was now part of her life.
I do not know that memoir but just looked it up. It seems my library doesn't have a copy on the shelf, so I'll have to search it out another way. Thank you for the recommendation, and for the restack. I'm grateful.
I’m in Toronto, a long, long way from the fires. Acrid haze hangs in the air. We’re canceling social arrangements to stay inside as much as possible. My fear is not for me but what we’ve done to the land we walk and the air we breathe.
In timing with so much in my own world. I held my breath and asked the "elephant in the room" question yesterday, which lead to such heart-felt gratitude from someone who appears stronger than all and never asks for anything, and ask for help she did. I too am exhausted by peopling(!!!), and yet have found myself less afraid of asking a possibly intrusive question (which can lead to a lot of peopling, ha!). Thank you Elizabeth and cheers to your birthday 🎉
Ah...synchronicity! I'm so glad you were there to ask, and to help. We can't be everywhere or do everything, nor should we attempt to. But we can do some things, and I think it's important to keep trying. Grateful you're that kind of friend, Sandy. Thanks for spending some time here today.
Ha -- how to tell me you clicked the link without telling me you clicked the link. 🎸
Thanks for your kind words, Don. And I'm glad you enjoyed those paintings. Turns out, unbeknownst to me, he's a favorite of one of my dearest friends, a fine artist herself (see her comment below).
Yes, yes, we are! I think about this often, Kim, especially when reminded that some of my virtual friends have very limited circles. Loneliness seems so unnecessary in a world filled with other humans. Thank you for stopping by this week, and for always being such a thoughtful reader.
When a brief visit (or in my case, a random invite) turns into a whole lot more. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story! I like to think of the miraculous timing as a Divine nudge. From just last week my similar story includes a dear friend who is currently fighting stage 4 ovarian cancer. We had just enjoyed a morning walk the day before and she was feeling great, 2 weeks post chemo treatment. My 'send a text' nudge came the next day. I sent an unusual last-minute invite for dinner, out of character for me as I like to plan way ahead and unusual since my friend and I just had a long wonderful walk/talk the day before. My friend responded that she thought she had a stomach bug and couldn't make it. I knew her husband was out of town (2 states away) so I followed up to ask if I could deliver Gatorade and such as I was worried about dehydration. Skip ahead....we ended up in the ER, which lead to multiple tests, CT scan and diagnosis of a partial bowel blockage due to surgical scar tissue. After almost a week in the hospital, enduring an NG tube for 5+ days I'm happy to report that she's now home resting/recovering and for now no additional surgery required. I'm thankful for the nudge and for the small way I helped a friend. And thankful for your reminders, ESB. My note to self: listen for those nudges and act on them. Isn't that what we're here to do...help each other and fight the hard things together?
PS Pierre Bonnard is one of my all time favorite artists. Intended to see "Bonnard's Worlds" at The Phillips Collection back in 2024, but never made it up to your neck of the woods for a visit.
This comment...it's all just amazing, Lyn. You were truly a godsend for her, and I'm sure she and her husband are beyond grateful. This is it, the whole point: "...listen for those nudges and act on them. Isn't that what we're here to do...help each other and fight the hard things together?"
I’ve often said that it’s too bad that humans don’t come with instruction / operator manuals . If we ever get them , I hope that you , dear lady , get to write them ❤️
Sure is. I decided that the medicine I needed after the last couple of very hard days was to reconnect with my friends here. I needed to dig in to one of the things I love most about Substack. The writers! Especially the ones who have my heart. It was the best thing I could have done. xo
It's hard to know how to decide, isn't it? We have every right and the real need to also take care of ourselves. Maybe the more we examine what's at the heart of our choices the more clarity we gain.
Thank you for asking about her dog. I learned today that she has a vet appointment tomorrow morning and is worried about having to make hard decisions. I'm hoping they can just tweak the meds and get her feeling better. Seems a rotten time for her to have to consider such hard things. ❤️🩹
I don't think I'll forget the phrase "an ordinary errand turned out to be load-bearing." It makes me wonder how many lives are quietly held together by people who almost didn't knock on the door, make the call, or ask the extra question. A beautiful piece. X
Thanks, Claire. I suppose if we could see inside the "almost-nearly-might've" parts of our existence, we'd be instantly overwhelmed by all the possibilities, good and bad. So, on we go in our blundering humanity, with the simple directive to be kind.
I wonder if those of us who are introverts, spend more time watching and listening to the minutiae. I wonder if we, then, are drawn out and reach out, because we cannot ignore the "still small voice" nudging us.
Ooh, that's an intriguing thought, Susan. I might be painting with too broad a brush, but I'd guess introverted people are more empathetic and more inclined toward listening and noticing subtle behavioral and emotional cues. So your idea seems quite possible!
Thanks for the birthday joy! May it circle back to you tenfold.
I love this piece for so many reasons. First, I'm blessed, too, to have a community of women who genuinely care for each other. Sometimes, a familiar voice at the end of the line asking, "Everything OK?" turns out to be a watershed moment. Second, like Elizabeth, my introvert often has tantrums about how peopled a day has been. I'll think twice before I listen to her next time.
Ah, thank you, Linda. I'm honored and delighted that this week's story was meaningful for you. I have to admit, though, that for a moment, I thought you were saying you'd think twice about listening to me! 😅
What a beautiful reminder to ask the right question. And have the right timing. Thank you for your excellent words.💚
Thank you, Barbara. I'm not sure we can actually plan for either of those, but I guess it helps to stay open to the possibility that any moment might be that moment. Great to see you here.
Thank you, Elizabeth. Like you, I can only handle so much peopling - I love that word - and hope I'm making the right choices.
And happy birthday!
Ah, you caught it. Gracias!
I don't think it's really about getting the peopling math right (or wrong). It's more important that we stay open, watchful even, to catch it when something actually matters. Thanks so much, John, and you have my blessing for people-verbing anytime!
Yes, so true.
Once again, your writing gently nudges the reader to walk along with you and pause to think how a simple step in follow-up can make a meaningful difference. Thanks!
I'm glad to have you and others on this life-journey with me, Patricia. You know what they say about it taking a village! Thank you.
Load bearing walls/we
supporting foundation need.
Also joists, studs, beams.
So much of what holds us up goes unseen, right? Thank you, Marisol.
Oh, this is just the reminder I needed today, as I am feeling oh so busy. Thank you.
You *are* busy, my friend. So consider this also a reminder that it's okay to do less sometimes. It's always a lift to know you've stopped by. Thank you.
Just beautiful, Elizabeth. I have a physically frail and increasingly eccentric cousin who lives alone, atop a flight of stairs, and has been on my mind. The difficulty of helping is compounded by her reluctance to accept help. Do you know Diana Athill’s wonderful memoir about aging? She said, at 89, that while she remained pretty vigorous, she found herself spending more time helping friends who were not. This devotion was now part of her life.
I do not know that memoir but just looked it up. It seems my library doesn't have a copy on the shelf, so I'll have to search it out another way. Thank you for the recommendation, and for the restack. I'm grateful.
Somewhere Towards the End is a favorite I return to every few years, a short book dense with insight.
I look forward to reading it. Rona, are you in harm's way at all where you are? And/or is the smoke affecting you? I can't remember where you are.
I’m in Toronto, a long, long way from the fires. Acrid haze hangs in the air. We’re canceling social arrangements to stay inside as much as possible. My fear is not for me but what we’ve done to the land we walk and the air we breathe.
It is frightful.
In timing with so much in my own world. I held my breath and asked the "elephant in the room" question yesterday, which lead to such heart-felt gratitude from someone who appears stronger than all and never asks for anything, and ask for help she did. I too am exhausted by peopling(!!!), and yet have found myself less afraid of asking a possibly intrusive question (which can lead to a lot of peopling, ha!). Thank you Elizabeth and cheers to your birthday 🎉
Ah...synchronicity! I'm so glad you were there to ask, and to help. We can't be everywhere or do everything, nor should we attempt to. But we can do some things, and I think it's important to keep trying. Grateful you're that kind of friend, Sandy. Thanks for spending some time here today.
Absolutely beautiful, Elizabeth. And I love the paintings you included so much that I looked up the artist!
Happy birthday to your husband and happy birthday to YOU. I would still need you and I would still feed you!! 😉💕
Ha -- how to tell me you clicked the link without telling me you clicked the link. 🎸
Thanks for your kind words, Don. And I'm glad you enjoyed those paintings. Turns out, unbeknownst to me, he's a favorite of one of my dearest friends, a fine artist herself (see her comment below).
Aren't we lucky to have a circle of women friends and all that that means?
Yes, yes, we are! I think about this often, Kim, especially when reminded that some of my virtual friends have very limited circles. Loneliness seems so unnecessary in a world filled with other humans. Thank you for stopping by this week, and for always being such a thoughtful reader.
When a brief visit (or in my case, a random invite) turns into a whole lot more. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story! I like to think of the miraculous timing as a Divine nudge. From just last week my similar story includes a dear friend who is currently fighting stage 4 ovarian cancer. We had just enjoyed a morning walk the day before and she was feeling great, 2 weeks post chemo treatment. My 'send a text' nudge came the next day. I sent an unusual last-minute invite for dinner, out of character for me as I like to plan way ahead and unusual since my friend and I just had a long wonderful walk/talk the day before. My friend responded that she thought she had a stomach bug and couldn't make it. I knew her husband was out of town (2 states away) so I followed up to ask if I could deliver Gatorade and such as I was worried about dehydration. Skip ahead....we ended up in the ER, which lead to multiple tests, CT scan and diagnosis of a partial bowel blockage due to surgical scar tissue. After almost a week in the hospital, enduring an NG tube for 5+ days I'm happy to report that she's now home resting/recovering and for now no additional surgery required. I'm thankful for the nudge and for the small way I helped a friend. And thankful for your reminders, ESB. My note to self: listen for those nudges and act on them. Isn't that what we're here to do...help each other and fight the hard things together?
PS Pierre Bonnard is one of my all time favorite artists. Intended to see "Bonnard's Worlds" at The Phillips Collection back in 2024, but never made it up to your neck of the woods for a visit.
This comment...it's all just amazing, Lyn. You were truly a godsend for her, and I'm sure she and her husband are beyond grateful. This is it, the whole point: "...listen for those nudges and act on them. Isn't that what we're here to do...help each other and fight the hard things together?"
I love that you love Pierre Bonnard!! 🖼️
I’ve often said that it’s too bad that humans don’t come with instruction / operator manuals . If we ever get them , I hope that you , dear lady , get to write them ❤️
What a sweet comment. Thank you, Melody. ☺️ Just promise I don't also have to translate them into 25 different languages.
Well , that’s where ChatGPT comes in handy!
Blow my mind. Every single time. xo.
Life is complicated -- and amazing! Great to see you, Nan, and thank you for the restack. Mwah!
Sure is. I decided that the medicine I needed after the last couple of very hard days was to reconnect with my friends here. I needed to dig in to one of the things I love most about Substack. The writers! Especially the ones who have my heart. It was the best thing I could have done. xo
Good for you! (In both senses of the expression.)
Indeed! xo
Yes, there are occasions when we really need to second-guess what we'd rather be doing. You're a kind person, Elizabeth and your community is lucky.
I hope your neighbour fares well and that her dog survived without her. Dogs can be tricky like that.
Take care...
It's hard to know how to decide, isn't it? We have every right and the real need to also take care of ourselves. Maybe the more we examine what's at the heart of our choices the more clarity we gain.
Thank you for asking about her dog. I learned today that she has a vet appointment tomorrow morning and is worried about having to make hard decisions. I'm hoping they can just tweak the meds and get her feeling better. Seems a rotten time for her to have to consider such hard things. ❤️🩹
I don't think I'll forget the phrase "an ordinary errand turned out to be load-bearing." It makes me wonder how many lives are quietly held together by people who almost didn't knock on the door, make the call, or ask the extra question. A beautiful piece. X
Thanks, Claire. I suppose if we could see inside the "almost-nearly-might've" parts of our existence, we'd be instantly overwhelmed by all the possibilities, good and bad. So, on we go in our blundering humanity, with the simple directive to be kind.
So grateful for your lovely comment.
I wonder if those of us who are introverts, spend more time watching and listening to the minutiae. I wonder if we, then, are drawn out and reach out, because we cannot ignore the "still small voice" nudging us.
And Happy Birthday! I celebrate you!
Ooh, that's an intriguing thought, Susan. I might be painting with too broad a brush, but I'd guess introverted people are more empathetic and more inclined toward listening and noticing subtle behavioral and emotional cues. So your idea seems quite possible!
Thanks for the birthday joy! May it circle back to you tenfold.
I love this piece for so many reasons. First, I'm blessed, too, to have a community of women who genuinely care for each other. Sometimes, a familiar voice at the end of the line asking, "Everything OK?" turns out to be a watershed moment. Second, like Elizabeth, my introvert often has tantrums about how peopled a day has been. I'll think twice before I listen to her next time.
Ah, thank you, Linda. I'm honored and delighted that this week's story was meaningful for you. I have to admit, though, that for a moment, I thought you were saying you'd think twice about listening to me! 😅
Grateful for the comment and the restack.