Love this, Elizabeth. Ah, our parents, our siblings, our early employment. The interactions we have early can shape how we relate to the greater world. Every day, I try to be my best self. That gets confusing sometimes because my old codependent behaviors pop up and tempt me to hide and play it safe. But the rebel who's always lived inside doesn't want to play those games anymore. And I'm angry about what the world is becoming as each second ticks by. But I won't stop telling the truth about the things I observe that don't work. Your father expressed fear as anger. I'm moving toward expressing anger through acts of love. I'm not sure of myself, but I'm going to give it a shot. I don't want to quiet my voice again. xo
Oh wow — well said, Nan. The tension between old patterns and the part of us that just knows we’re meant to do things differently? Yep. Right there with you. Your line — “I’m moving toward expressing anger through acts of love” is potent. That’s the kind of alchemy the world needs right now. It’s not easy work, but it’s brave and necessary.
Thank you for naming the complexities, confusion, the pull to hide, and also that fierce inner rebel who refuses to go quiet. I’m cheering her on right alongside you! Keep going. Keep telling the truth. Keep experimenting with new ways to show up. Keep loving your way in. You’re not alone. 💥❤️🔥
Oh, thank you! I was afraid I wasn't making sense! Leading with love is key, and I didn't used to think so. Doesn't mean I still can't be angry...I'm just learning to express and FEEL angry instead of turning it against myself. My therapist says that there are really only two emotions, love and fear. Everything else, especially aggression and hatred stem from fear. It makes so much sense to me. The part about loving our "enemies" is the part that's the most challenging for me. It's going to take time. xo
So often when we delve deep under anger, we can find intense fear. The best way to soothe a scared inner child (and outer adult) is to offer love and gentle, soothing protection. This society is so full of anger. The more love we can share the better. (Thanks so much to both of you for your heartfelt words. They really resonated.)
"This society is so full of anger." That nails it right there, Beth. And the way I see it, we have limited recourse with or access to the true causes, so we aim our fear-turned-anger at what's easier to blame. Really appreciate your perspective. Thank you.
I like your therapist. ☺️ I think those of us looking to make changes at this level are in it for a lifetime. There's that cheeky expression I love to use when I'm faced with something difficult: "Oh, great. Another ****ing growth opportunity!"
Oh, wait. No. Don't you mean, "Oh great. Another FUCKING growth opportunity!@#*&!" I like my therapist, too. She's the best therapist I've ever had, and girl, I've had a lot of therapists! xo
Thank you for this gentle reflection, MM. 💛 It’s humbling, isn’t it? How something as simple as a word can land with such weight. I've known for a long time what a powerful thing language is. It's even more apparent now.
I’m really grateful you took the time to sit with this and share what it stirred in you. That means a lot.
I am fascinated by how language unites, divides, inspires and expresses. I believe we are more alike than we are different. And we are stronger when we are not divided. Makes me remember that song, “United we stand. Divided we fall” That’s why they want us fighting with each other, instead of seeing what is happening. I pray hidden heroes will continue to emerge with words that remind us of our basic humanity.
Thank you for this, Teresa. Language is both vessel and weapon, isn’t it? I share your hope that more of us can rise above baseline in how we speak, listen, and even disagree. When the systems around us thrive on division, remembering how to not turn on each other is challenging.
Just yesterday, as I was entering aisle 2 at our Publix food center, I noticed a young attractive lady.. very diminutive... and looking very needy.. She obviously was from another culture and her English was kind of broken... Her smile stopped me.... with her fingers pointed upward... as her eyes searched the top shelf... She asked, with a most beautiful smile..." would you see if there are two bogo lce cream packages? I cannot reach high enough " It happened that I was tall enough and guess what..... I was able to recover 2 packages for her... It made her day and instantly she said, "thank you for being my arms and hands.."
In a moment's time, two complete strangers, exchanged the acceptance of cultures... smiles... and love.. Betsy... Everybody has stopped reaching somewhere others can't reach... and offering love and peace rather than hatred and violence..... I choose to look for "aisle 2" everywhere I go..looking for ANYONE who can use my arms and hands "
Barry, as always, your comments are from the heart. Thank you so much for relating this sweet story. I'm all for the "Aisle 2” method of connection! No place better for mutual care to unfold. I still want to believe that dismantling much of The Big Ugly can start with very small gestures. Thank you for being someone who keeps reaching.
By the way, your brother hunched over in pain after his operation brought me straight back to eight years old, in the very same pain after my own appendix operation. A nurse was nearly as mean to me!
Oh nooo, appendix twins! I’m sorry you had a mean nurse, Don. Where's good ol' bedside manner?! (I had a labor and delivery nurse tell me they wouldn't call it labor if it wasn't painful. So helpful. 😅) I'm glad the essay struck a chord (even if a painful one!). Thank you so much for sharing it—and for your support. That means the world.
Yes, exactly. That bracelet disappeared, but the feeling of losing it never really did. It’s wild how those early moments keep echoing (though I'll admit to losing a lot to time and the haze of faulty memories). Most of us are doing our best to pay attention to everything, but it's kind of impossible, which is kind of the point.
I'm sure you've noticed my pattern of diving down and and coming up for air. I don't know how others stay afloat when they're in the churn all the time.
I'm so grateful you’re reading with me through all of this, Amy. it means more than I can say.
You are right Elizabeth, people don't shift their views when they feel cornered. Within our circle of influence we can show up fully in an effort to do better once we know better.
I appreciate the reminder to show up fully, Donna. A powerful phrase, and really the heart of it, isn’t it? Thank you for bringing your full self here.
I, too, have found myself in corners because of an unexpectedly impactful statement of action, reflection or recollection. I hope I handled those times with grace. Probably not completely, though, right? We have to react sometimes before even 60 years of experiences and learning can kick in. This piece a great combination of times and stories and growth and commentary, I'm restacking. It's always a pleasure to share your worldview. Thank you. ~J
It means so much to me that you’re here, reading and taking it in. I’ve always admired the way you hold space for reflection—your own and other people’s—and I felt that in your here. I’m grateful for your steady voice in these messy, meaningful conversations. Thank you.
What I love about this is the way you give moments in your life, way back, and closer to the present. And you keep the reader close throughout. That's a skill.
Re speaking out: "Can it be done in a way that leaves room for real conversation or invites something to be discovered, not just defended? Do I owe care to someone who seems unwilling to offer it in return?" Looking for discovery is a special kind of looking. In an adversarial stance we often miss it. Thanks for pointing that out. As for caring without perhaps getting it in return: I don't quote the Bible as a kind of ultimate high-ground (with me on top of it!) but I am reminded of the passage right after "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" (Luke 6:31). It reads “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them." He goes onto give other examples, and the point is: How much greater it is to give without the expectation of getting back. I find this has been on my mind a lot, and wanted to share it here. But not in a preachy way!
Gosh, Stew, thanks. Thanks for reading and for offering such a care-full reflection. On care and reciprocity, the verse you shared is one we forget to consider as part of the more familiar "do unto others..." That part really gets at the challenge and the beauty of offering something (grace, attention, care) without a guarantee of return. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the difference between boundaries and withholding, and how easy it is to default to self-protection. But maybe true strength lies in doing the harder thing: keeping the door open.
I also appreciate your phrase: “looking for discovery is a special kind of looking.” Yes. That feels exactly right.
Nothing here feels preachy to me. Or at least, if there's an element of preachy, it's the good kind! ☺️
Heavens, Elizabeth, and wow. The way you've spoken to our moment here. And to those moments in your past where generosity of spirit was absent, or withheld. I revere these words and thank you for them, wholesouledly.
Thank you—that means a great deal to me. It’s one thing to write through personal memory, but something else entirely to feel those reflections land with someone else. I’m especially struck by your phrase “where generosity of spirit was absent, or withheld.” Yes. Part of the work now is learning how not to pass that absence forward. I'm really grateful you took the time to read and respond so generously, Thomas.
As I hear of yet another school shooting in America, or vaguely tune into the garbled rhetoric of a baseless president, when I read of innocent people in America, Gaza, Ukraine and elsewhere, being held to ransom by that same baseless president and his friends and cohorts, I cannot believe that the time hasn’t come for Americans to rise up and hold onto what is most valuable.
I watched Barack Obama speak along those lines (it may have been an older reel from the previous Trump presidency?) and wondered why America has just laid down and allowed itself to be walked over.
I agree that on a micro scale, everyone should be kind to one another, but for there to be a major shift from the Right in your country, it's going to take a lot more than waiting for the mid-terms. I watched a very brave Substack writer actively get out and protest. She's aware she’s at risk, but she says for the sake of her grandchildren, she cannot possibly allow the freedoms her father fought for to diminish and die. I admire her courage greatly - we should all be ready to stand on the front lines for things we believe in.
I’ve done that over conservation, and I would definitely do it for democracy if it happened in my own country.
Thanks for sharing your concern, Prue, and part of me wants to just reply with, "Gurl, lemme go get my warrior women friends (formerly "tribe") and we'll throw down on your behalf!"
Seriously, though. It's clear you care deeply about justice and democracy, and I appreciate that. I understand how things must look from the outside. And honestly, sometimes from the inside, it does feel like we've been taken over by a regime. But that’s part of the trap: we’re not in a black-and-white moment of dictatorship vs. freedom. We’re in a long, grinding crisis where half the country voted for this administration, and the other half sees that choice as a threat to democracy itself.
That doesn’t make inaction noble, but it does mean that calls to “rise up” have to be weighed against what democracy still requires: debate, law, organizing, voting, advocacy, and—yes—protest, but always in ways that don’t undermine the very system we’re trying to save.
I totally get the frustration. But the way forward here isn’t a coup—it’s outlasting the forces that want one. That takes relentless civic engagement, not just resistance. The idea of “rising up” or overthrowing a sitting president isn’t just unrealistic, it’s dangerous and legally undemocratic.
That said, we are absolutely not laying down. People are organizing, voting, writing, protesting, donating, suing, volunteering, and speaking out—myself included. Many Americans are doing everything we can within the bounds of a democracy, because we value the rule of law. This is a long fight, and one that requires strategy, not impulsive revolt.
I’d urge anyone, especially from outside the U.S., to consider that we live in an extremely polarized, armed, and often violent society. Calls for revolution, even if symbolic, can sound very different from the ground here. For many, even attending a peaceful protest carries real physical and legal risk.
You mentioned Obama—he’s always advocated for civic engagement, voting, and organizing, not insurrection. That’s the path forward if we want real, lasting change.
I deeply respect that you’ve taken stands in your own country. And here, we are doing the same. Just not with fire and pitchforks. With ballots, lawsuits, community organizing, and the long, frustrating, but vital work of democracy.
Indeed and Obama is of course right. But one wonders how many lives in the USA and globally will be fractured beyond redemption in the meantime. I read an interesting piece by an American who claims that the more people stand up and say ‘No!’ , the more Trump will back down, because he actually has no spine. This writer gave examples and if I can find the piece again, I’ll DM you the link. XXXX
Thanks for reading, Kathleen. Restraining what we put out there, or at least allowing time for it to fully bake before asking someone else to eat it, appears to be a dying art.
Love this, Elizabeth. Ah, our parents, our siblings, our early employment. The interactions we have early can shape how we relate to the greater world. Every day, I try to be my best self. That gets confusing sometimes because my old codependent behaviors pop up and tempt me to hide and play it safe. But the rebel who's always lived inside doesn't want to play those games anymore. And I'm angry about what the world is becoming as each second ticks by. But I won't stop telling the truth about the things I observe that don't work. Your father expressed fear as anger. I'm moving toward expressing anger through acts of love. I'm not sure of myself, but I'm going to give it a shot. I don't want to quiet my voice again. xo
Oh wow — well said, Nan. The tension between old patterns and the part of us that just knows we’re meant to do things differently? Yep. Right there with you. Your line — “I’m moving toward expressing anger through acts of love” is potent. That’s the kind of alchemy the world needs right now. It’s not easy work, but it’s brave and necessary.
Thank you for naming the complexities, confusion, the pull to hide, and also that fierce inner rebel who refuses to go quiet. I’m cheering her on right alongside you! Keep going. Keep telling the truth. Keep experimenting with new ways to show up. Keep loving your way in. You’re not alone. 💥❤️🔥
xo right back at you.
Oh, thank you! I was afraid I wasn't making sense! Leading with love is key, and I didn't used to think so. Doesn't mean I still can't be angry...I'm just learning to express and FEEL angry instead of turning it against myself. My therapist says that there are really only two emotions, love and fear. Everything else, especially aggression and hatred stem from fear. It makes so much sense to me. The part about loving our "enemies" is the part that's the most challenging for me. It's going to take time. xo
So often when we delve deep under anger, we can find intense fear. The best way to soothe a scared inner child (and outer adult) is to offer love and gentle, soothing protection. This society is so full of anger. The more love we can share the better. (Thanks so much to both of you for your heartfelt words. They really resonated.)
"This society is so full of anger." That nails it right there, Beth. And the way I see it, we have limited recourse with or access to the true causes, so we aim our fear-turned-anger at what's easier to blame. Really appreciate your perspective. Thank you.
I like your therapist. ☺️ I think those of us looking to make changes at this level are in it for a lifetime. There's that cheeky expression I love to use when I'm faced with something difficult: "Oh, great. Another ****ing growth opportunity!"
Oh, wait. No. Don't you mean, "Oh great. Another FUCKING growth opportunity!@#*&!" I like my therapist, too. She's the best therapist I've ever had, and girl, I've had a lot of therapists! xo
🤣
Thank you for reminding me the impact of words. That they can be just as wounding as sticks and stones. That they can provide comfort.
Words and tones…
Thank you for this gentle reflection, MM. 💛 It’s humbling, isn’t it? How something as simple as a word can land with such weight. I've known for a long time what a powerful thing language is. It's even more apparent now.
I’m really grateful you took the time to sit with this and share what it stirred in you. That means a lot.
I am fascinated by how language unites, divides, inspires and expresses. I believe we are more alike than we are different. And we are stronger when we are not divided. Makes me remember that song, “United we stand. Divided we fall” That’s why they want us fighting with each other, instead of seeing what is happening. I pray hidden heroes will continue to emerge with words that remind us of our basic humanity.
Thank you for this, Teresa. Language is both vessel and weapon, isn’t it? I share your hope that more of us can rise above baseline in how we speak, listen, and even disagree. When the systems around us thrive on division, remembering how to not turn on each other is challenging.
Well said. The more we acknowledge it, the better. And we should watch that our words don’t divide us even more.
Just yesterday, as I was entering aisle 2 at our Publix food center, I noticed a young attractive lady.. very diminutive... and looking very needy.. She obviously was from another culture and her English was kind of broken... Her smile stopped me.... with her fingers pointed upward... as her eyes searched the top shelf... She asked, with a most beautiful smile..." would you see if there are two bogo lce cream packages? I cannot reach high enough " It happened that I was tall enough and guess what..... I was able to recover 2 packages for her... It made her day and instantly she said, "thank you for being my arms and hands.."
In a moment's time, two complete strangers, exchanged the acceptance of cultures... smiles... and love.. Betsy... Everybody has stopped reaching somewhere others can't reach... and offering love and peace rather than hatred and violence..... I choose to look for "aisle 2" everywhere I go..looking for ANYONE who can use my arms and hands "
🤗🤗🤗🥹🥹❤️💕
Barry, as always, your comments are from the heart. Thank you so much for relating this sweet story. I'm all for the "Aisle 2” method of connection! No place better for mutual care to unfold. I still want to believe that dismantling much of The Big Ugly can start with very small gestures. Thank you for being someone who keeps reaching.
This is so good Elizabeth. I’m sharing it.
By the way, your brother hunched over in pain after his operation brought me straight back to eight years old, in the very same pain after my own appendix operation. A nurse was nearly as mean to me!
Oh nooo, appendix twins! I’m sorry you had a mean nurse, Don. Where's good ol' bedside manner?! (I had a labor and delivery nurse tell me they wouldn't call it labor if it wasn't painful. So helpful. 😅) I'm glad the essay struck a chord (even if a painful one!). Thank you so much for sharing it—and for your support. That means the world.
It is amazing sometimes how something from childhood sets a foundation that continues to come into play and memory, like the loss of the bracelet.
As you said, while debates about language and semantics and middle ground and challenging assumptions continue, everything else continues to escalate.
Yes, exactly. That bracelet disappeared, but the feeling of losing it never really did. It’s wild how those early moments keep echoing (though I'll admit to losing a lot to time and the haze of faulty memories). Most of us are doing our best to pay attention to everything, but it's kind of impossible, which is kind of the point.
I'm sure you've noticed my pattern of diving down and and coming up for air. I don't know how others stay afloat when they're in the churn all the time.
I'm so grateful you’re reading with me through all of this, Amy. it means more than I can say.
So heartfelt. Thank you so much. 🤗🤗
Thank you, Beth. Really. Thank YOU!
What a searching, open-hearted piece, Elizabeth. Thank you.
That means a lot, Elizabeth. Thank you for reading with such openness. I'm really glad it resonated.
You are right Elizabeth, people don't shift their views when they feel cornered. Within our circle of influence we can show up fully in an effort to do better once we know better.
I appreciate the reminder to show up fully, Donna. A powerful phrase, and really the heart of it, isn’t it? Thank you for bringing your full self here.
I, too, have found myself in corners because of an unexpectedly impactful statement of action, reflection or recollection. I hope I handled those times with grace. Probably not completely, though, right? We have to react sometimes before even 60 years of experiences and learning can kick in. This piece a great combination of times and stories and growth and commentary, I'm restacking. It's always a pleasure to share your worldview. Thank you. ~J
It means so much to me that you’re here, reading and taking it in. I’ve always admired the way you hold space for reflection—your own and other people’s—and I felt that in your here. I’m grateful for your steady voice in these messy, meaningful conversations. Thank you.
What I love about this is the way you give moments in your life, way back, and closer to the present. And you keep the reader close throughout. That's a skill.
Re speaking out: "Can it be done in a way that leaves room for real conversation or invites something to be discovered, not just defended? Do I owe care to someone who seems unwilling to offer it in return?" Looking for discovery is a special kind of looking. In an adversarial stance we often miss it. Thanks for pointing that out. As for caring without perhaps getting it in return: I don't quote the Bible as a kind of ultimate high-ground (with me on top of it!) but I am reminded of the passage right after "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" (Luke 6:31). It reads “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them." He goes onto give other examples, and the point is: How much greater it is to give without the expectation of getting back. I find this has been on my mind a lot, and wanted to share it here. But not in a preachy way!
Gosh, Stew, thanks. Thanks for reading and for offering such a care-full reflection. On care and reciprocity, the verse you shared is one we forget to consider as part of the more familiar "do unto others..." That part really gets at the challenge and the beauty of offering something (grace, attention, care) without a guarantee of return. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the difference between boundaries and withholding, and how easy it is to default to self-protection. But maybe true strength lies in doing the harder thing: keeping the door open.
I also appreciate your phrase: “looking for discovery is a special kind of looking.” Yes. That feels exactly right.
Nothing here feels preachy to me. Or at least, if there's an element of preachy, it's the good kind! ☺️
Heavens, Elizabeth, and wow. The way you've spoken to our moment here. And to those moments in your past where generosity of spirit was absent, or withheld. I revere these words and thank you for them, wholesouledly.
Thank you—that means a great deal to me. It’s one thing to write through personal memory, but something else entirely to feel those reflections land with someone else. I’m especially struck by your phrase “where generosity of spirit was absent, or withheld.” Yes. Part of the work now is learning how not to pass that absence forward. I'm really grateful you took the time to read and respond so generously, Thomas.
As I hear of yet another school shooting in America, or vaguely tune into the garbled rhetoric of a baseless president, when I read of innocent people in America, Gaza, Ukraine and elsewhere, being held to ransom by that same baseless president and his friends and cohorts, I cannot believe that the time hasn’t come for Americans to rise up and hold onto what is most valuable.
I watched Barack Obama speak along those lines (it may have been an older reel from the previous Trump presidency?) and wondered why America has just laid down and allowed itself to be walked over.
I agree that on a micro scale, everyone should be kind to one another, but for there to be a major shift from the Right in your country, it's going to take a lot more than waiting for the mid-terms. I watched a very brave Substack writer actively get out and protest. She's aware she’s at risk, but she says for the sake of her grandchildren, she cannot possibly allow the freedoms her father fought for to diminish and die. I admire her courage greatly - we should all be ready to stand on the front lines for things we believe in.
I’ve done that over conservation, and I would definitely do it for democracy if it happened in my own country.
It’s a sad situation, Elizabeth...
Thanks for sharing your concern, Prue, and part of me wants to just reply with, "Gurl, lemme go get my warrior women friends (formerly "tribe") and we'll throw down on your behalf!"
Seriously, though. It's clear you care deeply about justice and democracy, and I appreciate that. I understand how things must look from the outside. And honestly, sometimes from the inside, it does feel like we've been taken over by a regime. But that’s part of the trap: we’re not in a black-and-white moment of dictatorship vs. freedom. We’re in a long, grinding crisis where half the country voted for this administration, and the other half sees that choice as a threat to democracy itself.
That doesn’t make inaction noble, but it does mean that calls to “rise up” have to be weighed against what democracy still requires: debate, law, organizing, voting, advocacy, and—yes—protest, but always in ways that don’t undermine the very system we’re trying to save.
I totally get the frustration. But the way forward here isn’t a coup—it’s outlasting the forces that want one. That takes relentless civic engagement, not just resistance. The idea of “rising up” or overthrowing a sitting president isn’t just unrealistic, it’s dangerous and legally undemocratic.
That said, we are absolutely not laying down. People are organizing, voting, writing, protesting, donating, suing, volunteering, and speaking out—myself included. Many Americans are doing everything we can within the bounds of a democracy, because we value the rule of law. This is a long fight, and one that requires strategy, not impulsive revolt.
I’d urge anyone, especially from outside the U.S., to consider that we live in an extremely polarized, armed, and often violent society. Calls for revolution, even if symbolic, can sound very different from the ground here. For many, even attending a peaceful protest carries real physical and legal risk.
You mentioned Obama—he’s always advocated for civic engagement, voting, and organizing, not insurrection. That’s the path forward if we want real, lasting change.
I deeply respect that you’ve taken stands in your own country. And here, we are doing the same. Just not with fire and pitchforks. With ballots, lawsuits, community organizing, and the long, frustrating, but vital work of democracy.
Indeed and Obama is of course right. But one wonders how many lives in the USA and globally will be fractured beyond redemption in the meantime. I read an interesting piece by an American who claims that the more people stand up and say ‘No!’ , the more Trump will back down, because he actually has no spine. This writer gave examples and if I can find the piece again, I’ll DM you the link. XXXX
There is such power in the restraint of pen and tongue. This is proof we don’t have to shout thank you thank you thank you
Thanks for reading, Kathleen. Restraining what we put out there, or at least allowing time for it to fully bake before asking someone else to eat it, appears to be a dying art.