A wonderful video to finish off. (That concert hall! Extraordinary!)
Unfortunately I am one of those much more inclined to apologise, trying to bridge gaps and find ways through. But if someone else is unfairly accused, I’m there like a shot, protecting them. Strange how we learn these approaches. So much to learn about ourselves.
Another emotional post. Sigh…. This too shall pass. Eventually. Take care my dear. Sending heaps of hugs and best wishes.
I hope you're right about that eventuality, Beth, and I am truly grateful for the care and hugs. Mostly, though, THANK YOU for feeling the promise in that video. My gosh, it brings me to tears, not that those are hard to come by around here lately. ❤️🩹
I am not a woman....BUT...I know many... I love some....and I admire all...I had such a kind and strong mother, and have the same in my dear wife and two daughters...thus I know what "in your face" goodness and sacrifice looks like...Our culturally misguided world, and even some mis-interpreted biblical texts, have offered total ignorance...for those who know how to say, "I'M SORRY".....but refuse to.....and I am indeed SORRY!
In your face goodness and sacrifice -- what a perfect way to describe the selflessness of the women in your life, Barry. Though I have no sons, I'm fortunate to have been supported across my life by good men, you among them. Thanks, friend.
Just going to say this one thing. Sometimes when my husband sneezes (and I KNOW YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...Mount Vesuvius!!) and says very quickly, "I'm sorry!" just the tone of his voice tells me he is not really sorry. He could say, "excuse me," and that would work better, because goodness there is no sorry for that sort of explosion (which usually comes in pairs or threes, and every day multiple times a day....). And a trip to the allergy doc might be in order, but NO! Not in his lifetime...I feel like I need to say I am sorry for his sneezes!! What's up with that, I ask you???
Haha! And oy! Yes, I know something about those sneezes. Seems it runs in the family. And I've got to tell you, my sneezes scare ME, so I can imagine how it feels for the unsuspecting. I like the idea of an allergist. Or dare I suggest you mix Claritin into his smoothies? Maybe if you tell him he's shaving years off your life with every outburst he'll rethink. I am...truly...sorry. And also glad you're here. ☺️
Planting seeds,literally. How perfect in these times as we plant seeds in words, in song, in dance, in art, in drumming, in chanting, even in the silence of meditation, in dreaming, in a glance, a rebuke, in comfort, in breath. We plant seeds. We nuture them and clear away the weeds allowing for light and sustaining life water for optimal growth, for fruition. We plant seeds.
I'm glad gardening is an activity within easy reach for me, and you, Susan. It turns my whole day around time and again, in the best possible ways. Likewise, I'm grateful for folks willing to listen, read, and offer support, and for folks doing similar and bigger work in their own communities. That's the most hopeful thing I can imagine right now.
Jackson Katz has a pretty profound message and resources to go with. I'll be making sure to mention him when opportunities arise. Arise!!
Thank you for bringing your voice to a sorry-ass state of affairs. Even in anger, you are composed and compassionate. Respect!
I have a job where many of my female coworkers say they're sorry every time they open their mouths. I decided a decade ago to only apologize when I was truly sorry, I've found it a mindful exercise. xo
Thank you, friend. There've been a few rounds of tears here lately that have helped clear out some of the vitriol.
I've a long way to go on weaning myself from a steady Sorry Diet. But I'm going to make a point of trying harder. Do let me know if you have any go-to words that you use instead. I imagine most of the time saying nothing is the best option.
Elizabeth, thank you for your words, photos, and your daughter's b/w photo!
Strange isn't it...this sorry thing. While shopping at a grocery store yesterday, I said 'sorry' to a person who had cut me off in the aisle! I said sorry, and then my brain went-'WHAT? Why?' A few years ago, I said sorry (alot) after sharing my thoughts on something in particular which wasn't, let's just say 'the status quo'. (Obviously, I am not over that one yet.)
These days I stay away from the news about what is going on in our world (head not in the sand, just can't anymore). Yet I do hear bits and pieces here and there...always demoralizing.
Like you, Elizabeth, I am tired, I am angry, and dispirited! I often wonder where we are headed.
I'm finding solid ground in my art, in music, in my garden. Now that spring is finally showing signs of wanting to arrive here in Québec, I go out, touch the earth, take pictures of my flowers (slowly but surely growing), smell the fresh air, listen to the beautiful birdsong and pray that humankind will stand together and bring positive change where it is needed (everywhere!).
Thank you so much for sharing the video! (I watched more!) A new discovery of an amazing group of people. The music, and song brought goosebumps and a wonderful feeling of hope!
Thank you, thank you! Much needed. Sending hugs.
(Love your family photos! I imagine people have said that you resemble your lovely great-grandmother!)
PS: See Jacob Collier....another amazing musician!
Such a rich and stabilizing comment, Jeannine. Really...thank you.
I caught myself saying "sorry" this afternoon when I stepped around a man who seemed to need GPS to navigate the grocery aisle. I'd already paused more than a beat to give him time to make a decision, and I certainly didn't owe him an apology! Good to have clearly identified my next growth opportunity. 😅
I love your list of grounding activities. I'm so glad you enjoyed the video. I've watched it about a dozen times now. Jacob Collier is phenomenal!! And you are the first to mention any resemblance between me and my great-grandmother. It's a rare day for our pictures to show up side by side, so that's worth noting. I'm not sure I see it myself, but knowing a little about who she was, I'm taking it as a compliment. Peace, friend.
The turn in your poem to "Sorry excuses. / Sorry men in a sorry room." is *chef's kiss*, my friend. Thank you for writing about this. We need to ... not be alone with it, for starters.
Ahh, a real boost coming from you, Elizabeth. Thank you. I've probably said it before, but I swear I think of you every time I publish a poem. Aspirations run strong.
Yes, feeling less alone with this tangled mess is a balm. I appreciate you.
I hear you on the pausing for perspective, Janice. When I wrote here that I try to reason things out, in this case that includes allowing for what some might call a "biological imperative." Not every passing remark comes from a place of abject misogyny. I think about this especially when it comes to terms like 'dear' and 'honey,' which some southerners, male and female alike, use across genders.
But the line where it crosses over from urge to perversion, from drive to dominance, needs to be made more explicit and consequential, and the subtle ways that this mindset is embedded in the culture ("two female pilots") is low hanging fruit for change.
So glad I got to plant. Phew! Thank you, Janice. 💗
A friend of mine (male, mid-60s) was recently making vividly crude speculations via text-message about Malia and Sasha Obama. His line of texted "thought" made me queasy, sick. At first I texted back, "That's pretty cringe." But I decided I needed to tell him a bit more baldly, "Moving forward, please don't text me things in that vein." --- And dude, try to avoid **thinking** things like that as well.
While he's always been a bit of a "guy" --- putting on a "jockish" front in certain circles; being noticeably susceptible to heterosexual attraction; and making the sporadic casual comment ("wow, she's pretty") that I've usually deemed harmless --- he's never, until the exchange described above, done or said things that basically repelled me. I am hoping that the implicit rebuke contained within my boundary affords him the opportunity to consider that what he was saying and thinking was no joke. He seemed contrite, if terse, when he texted back.
Elizabeth, thank you for this article. It's caused me to revisit this troubling incident, and made me wonder if I need to do more.
Very, very grateful for this comment, Thomas. It is a remarkable example of the kind of honest reckoning and vulnerability I believe more men should experience.
They always say awareness is the first step. While it's not just men who fuel the fire by going along with cultural norms, I think fewer men are willing to speak out even when they know a line has been crossed. In my view, that's what's missing from this fight.
Thank you so much for your readership and thinking. It means a lot.
I’m deeply troubled by the behavior of men. I’m 80, and still learning the ways in which I am tempted to express my male privilege and my white privilege. I’m sickened by the behavior of the “leaders” of our country, who have taken power, privilege and position to a new level of abuse. Of course, those men didn’t come out of nowhere. They are just the logical development of a perhaps less obvious system of abuse which seems to have been around for millennia. Or perhaps they are the MAGA system which longs for a time when men were unquestionably in charge. I think all we men can do is look at ourselves and to develop more and more awareness as to our own complicity in all of this.
Thank you for this, Darrell. Truly. It's something for a man to come to the page with this kind of honesty and self-reflection, especially across generations.
What you said about this not coming out of nowhere is something I didn't fully develop in this piece, but you're right. The men in power right now didn’t invent this. They’re an escalation, or maybe just a more visible expression, of something that’s been tolerated, minimized, or normalized for a very long time. That’s part of what feels so overwhelming.
I also really appreciate your point about awareness. It sounds simple, but it isn’t. Much of the harm persists because people don’t look closely at themselves, or they stop at “I’m not one of the bad ones.” The willingness to keep examining that no matter at what age is not small.
At the same time, I’ll admit that I wrestle with what comes after awareness. For many women, the cost of this system has been lived, physical, and ongoing. So I find myself wondering what it looks like for that awareness to translate into something that interrupts the pattern. I respect so much that your comment didn’t feel like distancing or defensiveness. That really does mean a lot.
Your response means a lot to me! Like you, I wonder about what comes after awareness. When I am made aware of something, woken up…woke 😀…to some degree, I catch a glimpse of what comes after. Sometimes it’s hopeful and sometimes it’s discouraging. As for women, I can only guess at the pain of living the cost of this system.
Love the poem, Elizabeth... I wonder about a workshop on apologies... and your words make me think about how often I demur or backtrack with an apology... for taking up space, for ranting, for interrupting silence with my words, for whatever.
Such wonderful photos, and I found it odd how surprised I was to realize that your hair had not been light. We know people as they are.
Thanks, Amy. The workshop was part of a series of sessions offered at my workplace across the last 10 months or so. One of our staff, who is highly trained in conflict resolution and mediation, led six workshops on Compassionate Communication. It was a fabulous opportunity that I wish more of our staff could have taken part in.
I apologize WAY too often, including when there's absolutely no reason for me to do so. I'm trying to pay closer attention so I can try to train myself out of that habit.
The first two photos in this one came from deep in the archives, and it felt good to see how they fit in here. The family pictures are part of a collection I have of the maternal side of the family. Some strong women there! And for the record, I was blonde until I hit puberty. ☺️ Thanks for noticing those details. Thanks for thinking with me.
The headline: “Two Female Pilots Tackle the World’s Most Dangerous Approach.” makes me think we should add the word "male" to any description of men or their actions, heroic or otherwise. "Male shooter fires into crowd." "Male firefighter saves family and their cat." (Which would fascinatingly make people ask: Why did you say male?" I'll tell you why...) Let's stop making them the default. We've been an addendum for so long. The exception. The unusual case. Let's flip the script.
I love this idea, Wendy. LOVE! It's time to flip the script for sure, unwrite the wrong, pivot the vibe, slide the mood. Whatever it takes to get this campaign underway, let's do it!
If you missed it, be sure to check out Rob Tourtelot's link below. A much welcomed laugh! Thanks, Wendy. As always...thanks.
Just watched the link Rob posted. SO GOOD. Like, YES. This is the perspective and energy we need. Humor is so disarming. Funny people can point out the absurdity of this in a way that (maybe?) people can actually understand.
Ugh, "female pilots." It makes me think of the Mike Birbiglia routine where someone in the audience said something about a "woman cop" and, well... it doesn't go well for the guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sypknCMSFU If only this was the response every time this happens.
This is so, 100%, completely on men to fix. I definitely could have spoken up more when there were comments or jokes when I was young, and I'm trying to teach my son how important that is.
I remember when Trump got the nomination, there was talk of this being the last gasp of all the horrible things he is and represents, but it sure hasn't felt that way lately. I know all too well, talking to my daughter, how scary it is to be a woman right now, how exhausting and rage-filling, all with such good reason.
So it is on all of us men, and I'm constantly thinking and wondering about this, all my blindspots, and even little things that I unwittingly allow just by not noticing. I'm grateful to hear your experiences and read your words, always.
Rob, this was *the best* thing for me to watch right now. I can't thank you enough for that link. Truly, it breaks down the defensiveness so well and let's the absurdity of it take center stage.
I'm both respectful of and grateful for your willingness to not just look at yourself but also help your son understand why this matters. And thanks, too, for being the kind of dad your daughter can be honest with. It all gives me hope!
I am uncertain, yes. Uncertain if anything I say can possibly help. I am sorry… terribly sorry. I do hear, you. I don’t think any man can begin to really imagine the pain you and other women are feeling… I don’t pretend to. But I won’t stop trying to find a way to help, I promise.
Thank you, Elizabeth, for allowing me the room to exist outside of the hurt, the anger, and the blame. I do want to find my way toward improving this horror.
Oh, trust me, it helps. That you are committed to continuing to try also matters. It is a formidable problem, as are many in the world today. I take some comfort in knowing that we have more ways than ever to make sure people are aware. Do take a peek at the Jackson Katz materials. I think some of what he's offering could be lifted up in more national voices. Thank you, genuinely, for your part in making a difference, and for being here.
A wonderful video to finish off. (That concert hall! Extraordinary!)
Unfortunately I am one of those much more inclined to apologise, trying to bridge gaps and find ways through. But if someone else is unfairly accused, I’m there like a shot, protecting them. Strange how we learn these approaches. So much to learn about ourselves.
Another emotional post. Sigh…. This too shall pass. Eventually. Take care my dear. Sending heaps of hugs and best wishes.
I hope you're right about that eventuality, Beth, and I am truly grateful for the care and hugs. Mostly, though, THANK YOU for feeling the promise in that video. My gosh, it brings me to tears, not that those are hard to come by around here lately. ❤️🩹
Another thought provoking essay, and I especially appreciate the vintage photos of your family. Keep them coming!
Thanks, Teresa. My great grandmother is a story unto herself. A tale for another time. Hope you're doing well!
I am not a woman....BUT...I know many... I love some....and I admire all...I had such a kind and strong mother, and have the same in my dear wife and two daughters...thus I know what "in your face" goodness and sacrifice looks like...Our culturally misguided world, and even some mis-interpreted biblical texts, have offered total ignorance...for those who know how to say, "I'M SORRY".....but refuse to.....and I am indeed SORRY!
In your face goodness and sacrifice -- what a perfect way to describe the selflessness of the women in your life, Barry. Though I have no sons, I'm fortunate to have been supported across my life by good men, you among them. Thanks, friend.
Just going to say this one thing. Sometimes when my husband sneezes (and I KNOW YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...Mount Vesuvius!!) and says very quickly, "I'm sorry!" just the tone of his voice tells me he is not really sorry. He could say, "excuse me," and that would work better, because goodness there is no sorry for that sort of explosion (which usually comes in pairs or threes, and every day multiple times a day....). And a trip to the allergy doc might be in order, but NO! Not in his lifetime...I feel like I need to say I am sorry for his sneezes!! What's up with that, I ask you???
Haha! And oy! Yes, I know something about those sneezes. Seems it runs in the family. And I've got to tell you, my sneezes scare ME, so I can imagine how it feels for the unsuspecting. I like the idea of an allergist. Or dare I suggest you mix Claritin into his smoothies? Maybe if you tell him he's shaving years off your life with every outburst he'll rethink. I am...truly...sorry. And also glad you're here. ☺️
Men, bros, remember...
patriarchy splits, dis members.
Net loss for you too.
Planting seeds,literally. How perfect in these times as we plant seeds in words, in song, in dance, in art, in drumming, in chanting, even in the silence of meditation, in dreaming, in a glance, a rebuke, in comfort, in breath. We plant seeds. We nuture them and clear away the weeds allowing for light and sustaining life water for optimal growth, for fruition. We plant seeds.
I'm glad gardening is an activity within easy reach for me, and you, Susan. It turns my whole day around time and again, in the best possible ways. Likewise, I'm grateful for folks willing to listen, read, and offer support, and for folks doing similar and bigger work in their own communities. That's the most hopeful thing I can imagine right now.
Jackson Katz has a pretty profound message and resources to go with. I'll be making sure to mention him when opportunities arise. Arise!!
Thanks for being here.
Thank you for bringing your voice to a sorry-ass state of affairs. Even in anger, you are composed and compassionate. Respect!
I have a job where many of my female coworkers say they're sorry every time they open their mouths. I decided a decade ago to only apologize when I was truly sorry, I've found it a mindful exercise. xo
Thank you, friend. There've been a few rounds of tears here lately that have helped clear out some of the vitriol.
I've a long way to go on weaning myself from a steady Sorry Diet. But I'm going to make a point of trying harder. Do let me know if you have any go-to words that you use instead. I imagine most of the time saying nothing is the best option.
Elizabeth, thank you for your words, photos, and your daughter's b/w photo!
Strange isn't it...this sorry thing. While shopping at a grocery store yesterday, I said 'sorry' to a person who had cut me off in the aisle! I said sorry, and then my brain went-'WHAT? Why?' A few years ago, I said sorry (alot) after sharing my thoughts on something in particular which wasn't, let's just say 'the status quo'. (Obviously, I am not over that one yet.)
These days I stay away from the news about what is going on in our world (head not in the sand, just can't anymore). Yet I do hear bits and pieces here and there...always demoralizing.
Like you, Elizabeth, I am tired, I am angry, and dispirited! I often wonder where we are headed.
I'm finding solid ground in my art, in music, in my garden. Now that spring is finally showing signs of wanting to arrive here in Québec, I go out, touch the earth, take pictures of my flowers (slowly but surely growing), smell the fresh air, listen to the beautiful birdsong and pray that humankind will stand together and bring positive change where it is needed (everywhere!).
Thank you so much for sharing the video! (I watched more!) A new discovery of an amazing group of people. The music, and song brought goosebumps and a wonderful feeling of hope!
Thank you, thank you! Much needed. Sending hugs.
(Love your family photos! I imagine people have said that you resemble your lovely great-grandmother!)
PS: See Jacob Collier....another amazing musician!
Such a rich and stabilizing comment, Jeannine. Really...thank you.
I caught myself saying "sorry" this afternoon when I stepped around a man who seemed to need GPS to navigate the grocery aisle. I'd already paused more than a beat to give him time to make a decision, and I certainly didn't owe him an apology! Good to have clearly identified my next growth opportunity. 😅
I love your list of grounding activities. I'm so glad you enjoyed the video. I've watched it about a dozen times now. Jacob Collier is phenomenal!! And you are the first to mention any resemblance between me and my great-grandmother. It's a rare day for our pictures to show up side by side, so that's worth noting. I'm not sure I see it myself, but knowing a little about who she was, I'm taking it as a compliment. Peace, friend.
The turn in your poem to "Sorry excuses. / Sorry men in a sorry room." is *chef's kiss*, my friend. Thank you for writing about this. We need to ... not be alone with it, for starters.
Ahh, a real boost coming from you, Elizabeth. Thank you. I've probably said it before, but I swear I think of you every time I publish a poem. Aspirations run strong.
Yes, feeling less alone with this tangled mess is a balm. I appreciate you.
No one will ever say 'two male pilots did whatever....' I learned a perspective from Amy C last week so hesitate and pause a bit.
I also strongly echo and empathize both your frustration and your amazement. WTF.
Glad you got to plant. Always a beautiful feeling. J
I hear you on the pausing for perspective, Janice. When I wrote here that I try to reason things out, in this case that includes allowing for what some might call a "biological imperative." Not every passing remark comes from a place of abject misogyny. I think about this especially when it comes to terms like 'dear' and 'honey,' which some southerners, male and female alike, use across genders.
But the line where it crosses over from urge to perversion, from drive to dominance, needs to be made more explicit and consequential, and the subtle ways that this mindset is embedded in the culture ("two female pilots") is low hanging fruit for change.
So glad I got to plant. Phew! Thank you, Janice. 💗
A friend of mine (male, mid-60s) was recently making vividly crude speculations via text-message about Malia and Sasha Obama. His line of texted "thought" made me queasy, sick. At first I texted back, "That's pretty cringe." But I decided I needed to tell him a bit more baldly, "Moving forward, please don't text me things in that vein." --- And dude, try to avoid **thinking** things like that as well.
While he's always been a bit of a "guy" --- putting on a "jockish" front in certain circles; being noticeably susceptible to heterosexual attraction; and making the sporadic casual comment ("wow, she's pretty") that I've usually deemed harmless --- he's never, until the exchange described above, done or said things that basically repelled me. I am hoping that the implicit rebuke contained within my boundary affords him the opportunity to consider that what he was saying and thinking was no joke. He seemed contrite, if terse, when he texted back.
Elizabeth, thank you for this article. It's caused me to revisit this troubling incident, and made me wonder if I need to do more.
Very, very grateful for this comment, Thomas. It is a remarkable example of the kind of honest reckoning and vulnerability I believe more men should experience.
They always say awareness is the first step. While it's not just men who fuel the fire by going along with cultural norms, I think fewer men are willing to speak out even when they know a line has been crossed. In my view, that's what's missing from this fight.
Thank you so much for your readership and thinking. It means a lot.
I’m deeply troubled by the behavior of men. I’m 80, and still learning the ways in which I am tempted to express my male privilege and my white privilege. I’m sickened by the behavior of the “leaders” of our country, who have taken power, privilege and position to a new level of abuse. Of course, those men didn’t come out of nowhere. They are just the logical development of a perhaps less obvious system of abuse which seems to have been around for millennia. Or perhaps they are the MAGA system which longs for a time when men were unquestionably in charge. I think all we men can do is look at ourselves and to develop more and more awareness as to our own complicity in all of this.
Thank you for this, Darrell. Truly. It's something for a man to come to the page with this kind of honesty and self-reflection, especially across generations.
What you said about this not coming out of nowhere is something I didn't fully develop in this piece, but you're right. The men in power right now didn’t invent this. They’re an escalation, or maybe just a more visible expression, of something that’s been tolerated, minimized, or normalized for a very long time. That’s part of what feels so overwhelming.
I also really appreciate your point about awareness. It sounds simple, but it isn’t. Much of the harm persists because people don’t look closely at themselves, or they stop at “I’m not one of the bad ones.” The willingness to keep examining that no matter at what age is not small.
At the same time, I’ll admit that I wrestle with what comes after awareness. For many women, the cost of this system has been lived, physical, and ongoing. So I find myself wondering what it looks like for that awareness to translate into something that interrupts the pattern. I respect so much that your comment didn’t feel like distancing or defensiveness. That really does mean a lot.
Your response means a lot to me! Like you, I wonder about what comes after awareness. When I am made aware of something, woken up…woke 😀…to some degree, I catch a glimpse of what comes after. Sometimes it’s hopeful and sometimes it’s discouraging. As for women, I can only guess at the pain of living the cost of this system.
Love the poem, Elizabeth... I wonder about a workshop on apologies... and your words make me think about how often I demur or backtrack with an apology... for taking up space, for ranting, for interrupting silence with my words, for whatever.
Such wonderful photos, and I found it odd how surprised I was to realize that your hair had not been light. We know people as they are.
Thought-provoking, as always.
Thanks, Amy. The workshop was part of a series of sessions offered at my workplace across the last 10 months or so. One of our staff, who is highly trained in conflict resolution and mediation, led six workshops on Compassionate Communication. It was a fabulous opportunity that I wish more of our staff could have taken part in.
I apologize WAY too often, including when there's absolutely no reason for me to do so. I'm trying to pay closer attention so I can try to train myself out of that habit.
The first two photos in this one came from deep in the archives, and it felt good to see how they fit in here. The family pictures are part of a collection I have of the maternal side of the family. Some strong women there! And for the record, I was blonde until I hit puberty. ☺️ Thanks for noticing those details. Thanks for thinking with me.
The headline: “Two Female Pilots Tackle the World’s Most Dangerous Approach.” makes me think we should add the word "male" to any description of men or their actions, heroic or otherwise. "Male shooter fires into crowd." "Male firefighter saves family and their cat." (Which would fascinatingly make people ask: Why did you say male?" I'll tell you why...) Let's stop making them the default. We've been an addendum for so long. The exception. The unusual case. Let's flip the script.
I love this idea, Wendy. LOVE! It's time to flip the script for sure, unwrite the wrong, pivot the vibe, slide the mood. Whatever it takes to get this campaign underway, let's do it!
If you missed it, be sure to check out Rob Tourtelot's link below. A much welcomed laugh! Thanks, Wendy. As always...thanks.
Love and hugs, EB.
Just watched the link Rob posted. SO GOOD. Like, YES. This is the perspective and energy we need. Humor is so disarming. Funny people can point out the absurdity of this in a way that (maybe?) people can actually understand.
Ugh, "female pilots." It makes me think of the Mike Birbiglia routine where someone in the audience said something about a "woman cop" and, well... it doesn't go well for the guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sypknCMSFU If only this was the response every time this happens.
This is so, 100%, completely on men to fix. I definitely could have spoken up more when there were comments or jokes when I was young, and I'm trying to teach my son how important that is.
I remember when Trump got the nomination, there was talk of this being the last gasp of all the horrible things he is and represents, but it sure hasn't felt that way lately. I know all too well, talking to my daughter, how scary it is to be a woman right now, how exhausting and rage-filling, all with such good reason.
So it is on all of us men, and I'm constantly thinking and wondering about this, all my blindspots, and even little things that I unwittingly allow just by not noticing. I'm grateful to hear your experiences and read your words, always.
Such a good link! I really don't know Mike Birbiglia. Now I think I need to see more.
Rob, this was *the best* thing for me to watch right now. I can't thank you enough for that link. Truly, it breaks down the defensiveness so well and let's the absurdity of it take center stage.
I'm both respectful of and grateful for your willingness to not just look at yourself but also help your son understand why this matters. And thanks, too, for being the kind of dad your daughter can be honest with. It all gives me hope!
I am uncertain, yes. Uncertain if anything I say can possibly help. I am sorry… terribly sorry. I do hear, you. I don’t think any man can begin to really imagine the pain you and other women are feeling… I don’t pretend to. But I won’t stop trying to find a way to help, I promise.
Thank you, Elizabeth, for allowing me the room to exist outside of the hurt, the anger, and the blame. I do want to find my way toward improving this horror.
Oh, trust me, it helps. That you are committed to continuing to try also matters. It is a formidable problem, as are many in the world today. I take some comfort in knowing that we have more ways than ever to make sure people are aware. Do take a peek at the Jackson Katz materials. I think some of what he's offering could be lifted up in more national voices. Thank you, genuinely, for your part in making a difference, and for being here.