Obsessing over someday
We have so much work to do
I have no shortage of opinions. Generally speaking, I also have no shortage of tolerance for other people’s opinions, given they are rooted in principles of kindness and mutual respect. As far as I’m concerned, the golden rule is still a reasonable moral compass, as long as I don’t apply it too literally.
I’ve spent days thinking about how to write these next parts, searching for words which have eluded me for months now. It’s a delicate subject, and I’m not sure I’m fully equipped to handle it. I struggle with presenting material that is both subjectively appealing and potentially controversial, because I’d rather bring folks together than pull them apart. Also, I’m a people pleaser, so conflict is something of a trigger.
Still, every now and then an idea lodges itself somewhere between my heart and my fingers that, like an emotional splinter, drives me to distraction until I muster up the nerve to squeeze it out. This one has festered long enough. It’s time.
It’s time.
It’s time to stop obsessing over what’s going to happen someday. Our laser-focus on a dim future is killing us right now.
“But the problems!” you protest. “There are so many!”
It’s true, there are. Therapists say it’s good to label our fears. Shall we list them?
Politics, greed, the economy, the media, foreign policy, gender, environment, race, immigration, healthcare, hunger, water, education, extremism, crime, debt, overconsumption, drugs, human rights, cyber security, disinformation, distrust…
You’re right. It’s a shit show out there, and it has been for as long as we’ve been paying attention. Unless something changes, we’re definitely doomed. Kaput. Finished. The end.
Oh, but whoops. Still here.
How many times have we weathered similar predictions? Since the early Common Era, our rulers, historians and astrologers have been anticipating apocalyptic events that have precipitated all manner of hysteria. We’ve made it through epidemics and pandemics—five or six rounds of the bubonic plague, the hellscapes of the Spanish flu, Cocoliztli, HIV, and Covid 19. We’ve seen people and nations recover from economic collapse, from war, from genocide. In the 1930s, world democracy was on its last legs. In the 1960s, my classmates and I practiced hiding under our school desks in the event of nuclear fallout. Throughout history, we’ve leaned into the refrain that “it’s never been this bad before.” Yet, we’re still here.
We can do better.
I may sound naïve, or stupid, or privileged. No doubt, I’m some of each. I’m also tired. I’ve been practicing variations of the “duck and cover” drill for a long time. The never-ending preparation for doom and gloom is exhausting. The worry, if I allow it, is debilitating. The feeling of never doing enough, never being enough is demoralizing. Please, please, can’t we try another approach?
I’m not saying we shouldn’t commit ourselves to the causes that speak to us, and work our asses of in an effort to make a positive impact. I’m not saying we should disregard suffering or not allow ourselves to acknowledge how painful it is to live in this world. What I’m saying is that no matter what we glean from pundits or the alignment of planets, we can’t predict the future, and forecasting failure is doing the opposite of what’s needed. Instead of inspiring action, it’s breeding contempt and hopelessness, both of which give rise to inertia.
We’re so busy trying to shore up our systems for the someday catastrophe that we’re actually contributing to the adversity. We are the authors of our destiny and we’re writing ourselves into a futile future, a self-fulfilling prophesy of defeat.
Is it any wonder our youth are disillusioned? Is it surprising that eligible voters can’t be bothered to care? Why are some people are so angry? They’re angry because it’s easier to be angry than it is to admit fear. They’re angry because they’re afraid. Afraid of losing what little they have, because all they hear from the people they trust is that it’s bound to happen.
Yes, there are people at the extremes, people who’ve lost touch with reality and are particularly hard to reach. They’re scared, too.
Here’s a thought that comes to me again and again: In the event of a natural disaster in our own community, would we be checking up on ideologies, or would we be pitching in, knowing how desperately our help was needed? Would we tell ourselves it’s never been this bad before while blaming the usual suspects, or would we move the rubble aside until our fingers bled in the hope of rescuing our neighbors?
Mahatma Gandhi wrote: “We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.”
Last week, in the Target parking lot, I noticed an older black woman making her way back to her car. She was wearing a face mask, and her minivan was parked, crookedly, in a handicapped space. It was her outfit that caught my eye: a matching pink camouflage jacket and leggings. By the time I was within earshot she was in her car, so I stood some distance from the passenger side and smiled the biggest smile I could muster, hoping to not terrify her, and suggested with hand motions that she roll down her window.
“I just had to tell you,” I beamed, crouching a bit so she could see me, “your outfit is awesome!”
By now, she’d pulled off her mask, revealing the lack of any upper teeth. She grinned, then laughed.
“You know what? All day,” she said, “ALL DAY people have been telling me that!”
“Is it new? Your outfit?” I asked.
“Not at all. There’s just something about today.”
“Well, you’re amazing. I hope the rest of your today is wonderful,” I said, standing up to leave.
“You, too, dear,” she waved, “and God bless you!”
If we expect decline, we are sure to experience it. It’s time to reframe our narrative. We have so much work to do!
~Elizabeth
Notes: As is often the case after I wrangle words into submission, I discover others out there who’ve written something similar, quite possibly better. Below are a few widely read writers from widely read publications who may help motivate you in ways I’m not able to. And below that, some resources for tapping into good news. Thanks for your presence here today.
Chicken Littles Are Ruining America (David Brooks)
Why there’s reason to believe American democracy has a bright future (Megan McArdle
That Numbness You’re Feeling? There’s a Word for It. (Adam Grant)
Daily good news & action sources:
This is a great repost choice, Elizabeth! Also the empathy/compassion NYT discussion is very worthwhile, I think. Thank you as always. J
Thank you so much for beautifully expressing what is in my mind and heart. We each know we can’t fix everything, but we can each do what is ours to do, and we can show up as the change we want to see in the world. People making even a small effort to connect and be kind to each other is a really good place to start. It brings joy for the giver and the receiver. Thanks for spreading the joy!