There are a few newly formed groups in my area that are meeting with civil discourse in mind. Perhaps these more expansive conversations are cropping up all over? A girl can hope, right?
Elizabeth, this is so good. A group of older, white, conservative, probably rich men in a room complaining that "no one is willing to sacrifice for their country anymore," is not something I could ever get behind, and the guest's failure to push back with a little logic is disappointing.
It reminds me of the many people during Covid who complained that "no one wants to work anymore." These kinds of pronouncements are seldom based on facts, they just catch on with people who need to believe them for one [political/psychological] reason or another.
I commend you for pushing back, for applying logic and real look-around-you facts to such statements.
And the writing itself? As always, not one sentence is out of place or redundant. Excellent piece!
Oh, and thank you so much for linking my essay and for your support. I'm deeply grateful and flattered!
Thank you, Don. I wondered why that part went unmentioned, or unnoticed, by the op-ed writer, and the justifications I came up with in my head weren't very gracious. 😬 Covid also came to mind for me, but I was reflecting on the problem of individualism when it bumped up against mask-wearing (and vaccination) mandates. So much complexity in life, right? It was a pleasure to read and share that piece, Don, and I was tickled at how well it dovetailed with the direction of this one.
Before I read the morning news, I am here, digesting this masterfully crafted essay and pondering how to apply what I gleaned to my life and community today. This is how we change the world.
The news is harder than ever these days, Kim, so I can't blame you for putting that off. But to know that reading this was part of your morning ritual means so much. Thank you! If we come through the next few years with anything close to democracy intact, I truly believe we will see a time of collective rebuilding. Maybe that's naive, but it's what pushes me to press on. Grateful for you and for the restack. 💗
Thank you, Linda. And I appreciate the restack, too. "It’s time for decision makers to stop assuming that a) they know what others want, or that b) they want the same things as those around the table. But for that to happen, they first have to care about what others want and invite them into the discussions." I'm not sure how we get at that care piece, but I think it comes a little bit like this, from the ground up.
Elizabeth, I appreciate the way you have been able to wrestle the difficult idea of sacrifice into this beautifully cohesive, and challenging, essay that calls us to both look inward while also creating a wider lens. Thank you for calling our attention and demanding that we open our eyes.
I need to question myself about the sacrifices I think I make but which might be more like playing the martyr or victim. I hope I have done the inner work to move beyond this but I will be moving the whole idea back under the microscope.
I often think about what the parents and children and regular folks in the war-torn countries are called to bear and sacrifice just to get through the day and it gives me a massive reality check.
Massive blessings to Dawn Wooten who is an angel in disguise.
Good to see you, Donna, and thank you for thinking alongside me here. In my experience, folks who are willing to examine themselves with openness or to question whether they've reached an endpoint on that are less likely to not notice where there's room for continued exploration. You're doing just that, so a hat tip and a tiny bow for that.
Like you, when life brings me something painful or challenging, I only need to look past the end of my nose to see how much I have to be grateful for. I don't mean to diminish personal suffering. Life is *hard.* But recognizing what's going well helps put the hard stuff in perspective. 💗
So well done, Elizabeth. As always, really interesting to see your words. I admit to feeling a lot of worry about the notion of "sacrifice" these days as the possibility of things driven by that concept and expectation without choice loom closer. But... the Americans Who Tell the Truth project... Oh! and Wow! Thank you for highlighting that. What an amazing collection.
Yes to all of this, Amy, and I appreciate the admission of worry. I think fear is what's driving a lot of the divide these days, all of us concerned about what we stand to lose. I struggle with where to draw the line on that, with wanting to highlight commonalities but also recognizing when ideologies cross over into real harm for someone else. Phew...difficult terrain. I'm thrilled to discover the AWTTT site and the artist's work. He's been so friendly in our communications, and what talent!
"as if softness is a weakness in the first place" Beautiful, E. I didn't know Dawn Wooten's story. I'm glad I do now. People living in relative anonymity, according to their integrity, and suffering for it. I don't know many people who'd have made the choices she did. Would I, if I had to rely on my job to feed my kids? Damn. My sacrifices are easy. I do without (meat, Amazon, Twitter, Facebook) for my principles. But none of these things were necessary. I have other choices. When you have no (or few) choices, sacrifice becomes heroic.
I ask myself similar questions, Wendy. If you have the time, you might enjoy watching her video interview on the artist's website. She talks about how she was "always" this way. I call it brave. You said it best: My sacrifices are easy. Thanks so much for weighing in. I really appreciate how you think.
Elizabeth, thank you for sharing Dawn Wooten's story, and for raising such rich and important questions. I was particularly struck by these words: "If it [sacrifice] is loud and finite and comes with a flag, it’s easy to point out, but if it is cumulative, forbearing, and woven into the texture of ordinary life, it may disappear from view, despite its persistence." That second kind of sacrifice is so often made by women, through our roles in predominantly female occupations (education and healthcare some quickly to mind) and in our families, where women most often hold together the strings of our frayed social safety nets when someone becomes ill, disabled, or simply old. You've reminded me of the ire that rises for me every time I see signs in the parking lots of a certain home improvement chain that reserves premium spots for military veterans. As a mother and daughter to veterans, I don't discount what their service cost them, but I cannot help thinking of all the teachers I've known and the cumulative costs of lifetimes working in under-resourced systems and increasingly unsafe environments. (The impacts of active shooter drills alone!) They, too, sacrifice and serve. I can't help thinking about why it is that we increasingly make shallow, symbolic shows of gratitude for some forms of sacrifice and service while simultaneously cutting meaningful services for those who made them. I'd rather my son have true access to the healthcare he needs than a close-in parking spot at a business he isn't likely to patronize because of issues stemming from that service.
So much of that was running in the background as I wrote this one, Rita. So many mothers and grandmothers who put family before careers. And here we are with the dissolution of programs for the underserved and vulnerable while we bring male hockey teams to the White House. I’m visiting my daughter in Arizona and just drove through the reservation. Made me feel physically ill thinking about what we’ve done to our native populations. On a brighter note, in addition to current and former military there were discounts at the Grand Canyon for those in education. ::sigh::
So much thought and heart in your writing, Elizabeth.
My religious practice of choice is one that uses the word "sacrifice" frequently, and seems to mean several different things by it. The definition I find easiest to stomach is, "a gift made from love." By that definition -- which still asks more questions than it answers! -- I'd say you're spot-on about the unspectacular, unrecognized sacrifice that happens on the daily in so many peoples' lives.
I appreciate that definition, Elizabeth, and I think it’s the right one for sacrifices made by choice. I’m not sure they all are, and I hope we are coming to understand that more readily now. As long as we continue to look for the unanswered questions and try to answer them, I think we can make progress. Truly grateful for your comment and consideration.
Ditto Donna M's comment: a "beautifully cohesive, and challenging, essay." Like a fine needlepoint. Amazing. Thanks.
Some sacrifice feels objectively virtuous: any of the examples of service beyond self, living in service to others. Some is, as you note, invisible. I imagine also that some is subjective: was it a worthy cause that one gave up something for? did the person really give something up? or are they spinning their own tale of sacrifice that others see through? We might disagree as to the worthiness of cause, the degree of sacrifice, or even the intent of the person.
Another thought: there are those who hear Dawn's story as a cautionary tale - see what happens when you act on what's right? And there are those who are inspired by it, and who ask "where could I step up my game even a bit to sacrifice - really give up something?" As with many things, ones worldview will determine if you think there is more of one type and less of the other.
Thanks so much, Stew. The last part of this is important and brings in how our experiences and the stories we tell ourselves about those factor into these conversations. Maybe we need to launch a movement to train facilitators and mediators to help guide these very complex conversations…in whatever size room we can find? ☺️
Overdue for ABSOLUTE certain. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
There are a few newly formed groups in my area that are meeting with civil discourse in mind. Perhaps these more expansive conversations are cropping up all over? A girl can hope, right?
Elizabeth, this is so good. A group of older, white, conservative, probably rich men in a room complaining that "no one is willing to sacrifice for their country anymore," is not something I could ever get behind, and the guest's failure to push back with a little logic is disappointing.
It reminds me of the many people during Covid who complained that "no one wants to work anymore." These kinds of pronouncements are seldom based on facts, they just catch on with people who need to believe them for one [political/psychological] reason or another.
I commend you for pushing back, for applying logic and real look-around-you facts to such statements.
And the writing itself? As always, not one sentence is out of place or redundant. Excellent piece!
Oh, and thank you so much for linking my essay and for your support. I'm deeply grateful and flattered!
Thank you, Don. I wondered why that part went unmentioned, or unnoticed, by the op-ed writer, and the justifications I came up with in my head weren't very gracious. 😬 Covid also came to mind for me, but I was reflecting on the problem of individualism when it bumped up against mask-wearing (and vaccination) mandates. So much complexity in life, right? It was a pleasure to read and share that piece, Don, and I was tickled at how well it dovetailed with the direction of this one.
Deep thought and feeling meet here. Thank you, Elizabeth.
Much appreciated, Rona. Though I always wish I could *do* more, what inspires me to try is people like Dawn Wooten.
Odd article. https://marlowe1.substack.com/p/a-woman-without-a-country-the-stories?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=sllf3
Thanks for sharing.
Before I read the morning news, I am here, digesting this masterfully crafted essay and pondering how to apply what I gleaned to my life and community today. This is how we change the world.
The news is harder than ever these days, Kim, so I can't blame you for putting that off. But to know that reading this was part of your morning ritual means so much. Thank you! If we come through the next few years with anything close to democracy intact, I truly believe we will see a time of collective rebuilding. Maybe that's naive, but it's what pushes me to press on. Grateful for you and for the restack. 💗
I am certain we are in for a restructuring that will be better. We just have to get through this tumultuous time.
Well said. Thank you.
Thank you, Linda. And I appreciate the restack, too. "It’s time for decision makers to stop assuming that a) they know what others want, or that b) they want the same things as those around the table. But for that to happen, they first have to care about what others want and invite them into the discussions." I'm not sure how we get at that care piece, but I think it comes a little bit like this, from the ground up.
Elizabeth, I appreciate the way you have been able to wrestle the difficult idea of sacrifice into this beautifully cohesive, and challenging, essay that calls us to both look inward while also creating a wider lens. Thank you for calling our attention and demanding that we open our eyes.
I need to question myself about the sacrifices I think I make but which might be more like playing the martyr or victim. I hope I have done the inner work to move beyond this but I will be moving the whole idea back under the microscope.
I often think about what the parents and children and regular folks in the war-torn countries are called to bear and sacrifice just to get through the day and it gives me a massive reality check.
Massive blessings to Dawn Wooten who is an angel in disguise.
Good to see you, Donna, and thank you for thinking alongside me here. In my experience, folks who are willing to examine themselves with openness or to question whether they've reached an endpoint on that are less likely to not notice where there's room for continued exploration. You're doing just that, so a hat tip and a tiny bow for that.
Like you, when life brings me something painful or challenging, I only need to look past the end of my nose to see how much I have to be grateful for. I don't mean to diminish personal suffering. Life is *hard.* But recognizing what's going well helps put the hard stuff in perspective. 💗
So well done, Elizabeth. As always, really interesting to see your words. I admit to feeling a lot of worry about the notion of "sacrifice" these days as the possibility of things driven by that concept and expectation without choice loom closer. But... the Americans Who Tell the Truth project... Oh! and Wow! Thank you for highlighting that. What an amazing collection.
Yes to all of this, Amy, and I appreciate the admission of worry. I think fear is what's driving a lot of the divide these days, all of us concerned about what we stand to lose. I struggle with where to draw the line on that, with wanting to highlight commonalities but also recognizing when ideologies cross over into real harm for someone else. Phew...difficult terrain. I'm thrilled to discover the AWTTT site and the artist's work. He's been so friendly in our communications, and what talent!
"as if softness is a weakness in the first place" Beautiful, E. I didn't know Dawn Wooten's story. I'm glad I do now. People living in relative anonymity, according to their integrity, and suffering for it. I don't know many people who'd have made the choices she did. Would I, if I had to rely on my job to feed my kids? Damn. My sacrifices are easy. I do without (meat, Amazon, Twitter, Facebook) for my principles. But none of these things were necessary. I have other choices. When you have no (or few) choices, sacrifice becomes heroic.
I ask myself similar questions, Wendy. If you have the time, you might enjoy watching her video interview on the artist's website. She talks about how she was "always" this way. I call it brave. You said it best: My sacrifices are easy. Thanks so much for weighing in. I really appreciate how you think.
It is brave. An inspiration. ❤️
Elizabeth, thank you for sharing Dawn Wooten's story, and for raising such rich and important questions. I was particularly struck by these words: "If it [sacrifice] is loud and finite and comes with a flag, it’s easy to point out, but if it is cumulative, forbearing, and woven into the texture of ordinary life, it may disappear from view, despite its persistence." That second kind of sacrifice is so often made by women, through our roles in predominantly female occupations (education and healthcare some quickly to mind) and in our families, where women most often hold together the strings of our frayed social safety nets when someone becomes ill, disabled, or simply old. You've reminded me of the ire that rises for me every time I see signs in the parking lots of a certain home improvement chain that reserves premium spots for military veterans. As a mother and daughter to veterans, I don't discount what their service cost them, but I cannot help thinking of all the teachers I've known and the cumulative costs of lifetimes working in under-resourced systems and increasingly unsafe environments. (The impacts of active shooter drills alone!) They, too, sacrifice and serve. I can't help thinking about why it is that we increasingly make shallow, symbolic shows of gratitude for some forms of sacrifice and service while simultaneously cutting meaningful services for those who made them. I'd rather my son have true access to the healthcare he needs than a close-in parking spot at a business he isn't likely to patronize because of issues stemming from that service.
Whew. You touched a nerve with this one.
So much of that was running in the background as I wrote this one, Rita. So many mothers and grandmothers who put family before careers. And here we are with the dissolution of programs for the underserved and vulnerable while we bring male hockey teams to the White House. I’m visiting my daughter in Arizona and just drove through the reservation. Made me feel physically ill thinking about what we’ve done to our native populations. On a brighter note, in addition to current and former military there were discounts at the Grand Canyon for those in education. ::sigh::
Thanks for the insightful comment.
So much thought and heart in your writing, Elizabeth.
My religious practice of choice is one that uses the word "sacrifice" frequently, and seems to mean several different things by it. The definition I find easiest to stomach is, "a gift made from love." By that definition -- which still asks more questions than it answers! -- I'd say you're spot-on about the unspectacular, unrecognized sacrifice that happens on the daily in so many peoples' lives.
I appreciate that definition, Elizabeth, and I think it’s the right one for sacrifices made by choice. I’m not sure they all are, and I hope we are coming to understand that more readily now. As long as we continue to look for the unanswered questions and try to answer them, I think we can make progress. Truly grateful for your comment and consideration.
Ditto Donna M's comment: a "beautifully cohesive, and challenging, essay." Like a fine needlepoint. Amazing. Thanks.
Some sacrifice feels objectively virtuous: any of the examples of service beyond self, living in service to others. Some is, as you note, invisible. I imagine also that some is subjective: was it a worthy cause that one gave up something for? did the person really give something up? or are they spinning their own tale of sacrifice that others see through? We might disagree as to the worthiness of cause, the degree of sacrifice, or even the intent of the person.
Another thought: there are those who hear Dawn's story as a cautionary tale - see what happens when you act on what's right? And there are those who are inspired by it, and who ask "where could I step up my game even a bit to sacrifice - really give up something?" As with many things, ones worldview will determine if you think there is more of one type and less of the other.
Thanks so much, Stew. The last part of this is important and brings in how our experiences and the stories we tell ourselves about those factor into these conversations. Maybe we need to launch a movement to train facilitators and mediators to help guide these very complex conversations…in whatever size room we can find? ☺️