Great perspective as always!! And the end reinforces one of my beliefs: You can share the same big “values” and still disagree strongly on topics, politics, teams, etc. As well know I think, I live that model every day! Xxoo
You do indeed know, Margaret! Sometimes I think just prefer the validation of agreement. It takes a certain kind of wisdom to accept that differences of opinion aren't always deal breakers. Though sometimes, I must admit, they are.
Thanks, John, and I love the idea of you sharing this with folks you know in similar lines of work. I'll forgive your annoying football behavior if you'll forgive me for the damage I did to the accent in my audio version. 😂
John, I help tell the stories of farmers and agricultural communities while connecting people with programs and resources that support farmland conservation and sustainable agriculture across the Mid-Atlantic. More in DMs. ☺️
First of all, I am the proud mother of a stubborn hound that needed some of my hollering in the early years. She is okay now. Your thoughtful essay made me think of two things. One, humans are a creature of habit for lots of reasons, including a feeling of security and safety. But shaking up the routine is definitely valuable. Two, I think we are victims of tribalism, where we only believe what our tribe thinks. To reach the other side, we need to reach someone in the tribe who can explain it to them in language they trust. This helps break down barriers with folks who don’t believe your facts. I know you have seen great success with farmers showing each other their progress using certain practices. They trust and respect each other’s experiences. (BTW I wrote years ago about tribalism for the national fish and game folks who were trying to understand why people didn’t believe about climate change. We quoted experts who studied tribes in Africa. It applies more than ever here than before!)
I think the benefits of shaking up the routine might be the topic of another essay, Teresa. You are so right. In fact, research tells us it helps stave off cognitive decline. So, there ya' go! A new campaign approach: Ditch Dementia! Vote Differently! 😅
Another yes on our tendencies toward tribalism. We need to know where and with whom we belong. This speaks to our resistance to making choices that might alienate us from our families and communities. So another effort is to find and lift up the voices of those who are trusted from within. On Substack, Jess Piper comes to mind: https://jesspiper.substack.com/
In computer science, I think this problem is called “optimal stopping.” It also can be applied to say, how many people should you date before you marry?
As you point out, humans mess things up. :)
There is one great takeaway though: never go to a new restaurant if you know you are going to move. If it is better than your normal restaurant you will have regret. It’s a bad time to explore.
Oh, Josh, that's a fascinating takeaway! I do worry, though that taken too far, none of us would ever venture beyond our first finds. I also think some of this comes down to personality. We see some farmers who will never change, some who might, but only if circumstances drive them to it, or someone they trust goes first. And then there are the those who are, by nature, risk takers and inovators. They're the mavericks, always out front blazing trails. Thank goodness for them!
So good to see you here in the comments. Thanks for chiming in.
Beautiful thoughts. So much to ponder. Molly and I were just talking about the "scout mindset" which is a kind of Bayesian "as you take in information, update your beliefs" kind of thing. Julia Galef is author of the book by that name.
Gets me wondering: Teresa O mentioned "security, safety" and "tribalism." I think of the power of the tribe, the value of belonging to something that has such an appeal. On the other hand, the search for what is true (and updating your thinking along the way) is such an individual thing. As I said, much to ponder. As usual.
I love "out-holler a hound" and I want to use it in conversation as soon as possible. I'll give you credit.
Humans are complex creatures, for sure. No doubt, I could spend much longer dissecting more of the influences on our decision-making. Teresa names a couple, and Josh Datko and I dip into others. I regret that media (social and otherwise) has become such a force, because it has supersized the tribe well past anything our brains evolved to handle. We are now loyal to an algorithmically assembled crowd of strangers.
That scale shift might explain something I find most unsettling: how many people seem less attached to what they believe than to making sure the other side never wins. It's not conviction so much as opposition, tribalism with the content scooped out. I'm not sure how we move beyond that.
And please, take the hound line and run. Credit appreciated but not required. I'm just glad it's getting some use beyond my own kitchen counter. Thanks, Stew (and Molly).
On our farm, now run by our son, he researches and follows new (if holistic) trends. Consequently during the Big Dry, he kept our flocks in superb condition, we have little to no parasite issues and the pregnancies on scanning last week, were at 115 % which during a dry year is phenomenal. My husband, used to older practices, is attuned enough to agree and support change. I am proud of them both. Our biggest successes in improving our grazing property have been the massed mixed species tree plantings, drilling not ploughing, mixed species pasture and weed management, something you often don't see the oldtimers do.
As to parking, I just find an empty spot. No system. But I'm a creature of routine and knowing where happiness and joy exist. In my 70's, that's hardly likely to change. C'est la vie.
Thank you, Prue, this is wonderful-- a perfect real-world example of exactly what I was trying to get at. Your husband didn't need to be argued out of older practices; he just needed to see the results land. Healthier flocks (115% scanning rate during a dry year!) is all the proof needed. I love that your son is the one bringing the new thinking while staying rooted on the family farm. That's the version of "generational change" we want to hear.
I don’t have to think about where I park! Ever! I am in a power wheelchair thanks to multiple sclerosis. I don’t have a wheelchair van. I take public transit. I cackle at your weak adventures trying to find a place to park while burning hydrocarbons.
Please, just stop driving so much. Stop looking for a parking space. Get out of that car and walk, meet some people.
Fran, I really appreciated this comment and the restack of it. I’ll share here what I shared out there.
I live rural enough that I almost never have to hunt for parking. In fact, I tease people who complain about it. There's also no public transit to speak of—even Uber is scarce. Your wheelchair view adds nuance to the conversation, and I'm really glad you brought that in.
While I’d hoped the essay would call attention to how our habits and biases also show up in the way we think about those we disagree with politically, your version is arguably more useful. I may have buried the actual lede under a Ford F-150. 😅
Very thought provoking Elizabeth. I’m often teased about my parking preferences, which are driven mostly by the weather. Not rain though. It’s that cooler shady spot I’m after, even if it means a longer walk to wherever I’m headed. (I’m sure there’s a philosophical metaphor there somewhere.) I do have to say I don’t mind bagpipes. The more the better. Apparently Bostonians heartily agree in recent days. To your point though, it must have been an English person who quipped “How do you define a gentleman? It’s someone who knows how to play the bagpipes but doesn’t.”
Thanks, Rob. Zen and the Art of Shade Seeking. There's definitely a metaphor in there (maybe you're more like a farmer than you ever imagined) but I'll leave that one for you to write. And noting your bagpipe enthusiasm for the record, in case anyone in this comment section was hoping for a unified front on that issue. Bagpipes make me cry. Maybe that's why a concert feels less than appealing.
That quote is perfect and self-aware in a way the English seem to have mastered.
Good metaphor, Elizabeth, and so well done, as always. It seems that habitual practices in everyday life offer a certain kind of dependable ease and a sense of control over personal/immediate reality... low-stakes things. If you are compelled to shake things up.... so the menu special wasn't good, and you regret it, but no long-term harm done. The unsatisfying meal likely reinforces getting the tried and true, so you know you would leave happy (and no over-thinking). Jumping to bigger issues... higher stakes.
Thanks, Amy. The bad menu choice is self-correcting in a way that political risk isn't. You get a mediocre meal, you learn your lesson, you go back to what works--no harm done. But the equivalent "wrong choice" in politics doesn't resolve in one sitting. It can take years to find out whether it was actually a mistake, which probably makes people even more reluctant to order off-menu in the first place. No easy solutions, that's for sure. Like I said, I don't know what the answers are. I just know that demonizing our opponents is not it. Appreciate you thinking it through with me.
Elizabeth, this is so excellent! Really well done. I enjoyed the dialogue scenario lol. This piece very much reminds me of the writing of Malcolm Gladwell.
Thank you, Don, that means a lot, and I'm so grateful for the restack. The dialogue was fun to write, even if I butchered the accent in the audio (full disclosure: I read it once in a "normal" voice, which didn't work at all!) The Gladwell comparison 🤯... I don't know what to say. He may not be everyone's cuppa, but I LOVE his style. So grateful.
So much of what you write about farmers made me think of teachers. In my first year of teaching, my department head told me I was a risk-taker. I was surprised; I thought of myself as a cautious person who didn't do anything unless I was pretty sure it would succeed. But to her, my emthusiasm for trying new things seemed risky. Later, I became a person whose job was to support teachers in developing their practices, and I was continually surprised by the resistance I encountered to even trying new things. Even when what they were doing was not giving the results they wanted. I did a lot of what you describe here as being ineffective--making a case with statistics and examples and logic. Didn't ever work, and I came to dislike that job quite a bit! I'm glad I don't have to try to change anyone's mind for a living now. Your words remind me of how hard it is to do that. Thanks for deepening my understanding of why.
Rita, this is such a great parallel, an example that differs from farming in some ways, because the stakes for a teacher trying something new are immediate and public. You're standing in front of thirty kids in real time. Of course that feels risky, even when the underlying idea is sound. I love that you forged ahead!
I think you've put your finger on something I didn't fully articulate: the case-with-statistics approach doesn't just fail to persuade, it can actually make people feel more exposed, because now they're not just being asked to change, they're being asked to admit the old way wasn't working while someone is watching. No wonder it didn't land, no matter how good your evidence was.
I'm sorry that job wore on you the way it did. I'm sure you were doing the hardest version of an already hard thing. Thank you for bringing teaching into this. I'll be thinking about it.
I would like to organize the rest of my life as well as I organize my parking spots. With parking, I have considered all the possibilities and have settled on the ideal spots supported by a lot of well-considered reasons. So I no longer have to think about where I park. I just go to my spot.
I sometimes wish my human interactions, political opinions and spiritual life could be organized that way. I could choose, after years of deliberation, that I will always vote for a Democrat regardless of what the candidates actually say or demonstrate, That way I don’t have to spend a lot of time evaluating the relative merits of each of the candidates.
If I can decide after years of reflection, reading, talking and listening that there is a God, then I shouldn’t have to think about it any more. I can just park in my usual pew at church
Then along comes a politician or a theologian who “makes” me take a look at things differently. I want to say, “Leave me alone. I have already decided where I am parking”.
I served recently as a Democrat poll watcher. A Republican poll watcher sat next to me. She loves her grandchildren. I love mine. She dotes on her son. I dote on mine. She’s proud of her spouse. I’m proud of mine. She wants her grandchildren to get a good education, find a career they like, develop good relationships, have fun. I want the same. As much as I don’t want to, that experience causes me to at least consider parking in a different spot - not clear across the lot, but maybe one space to the left or right.
I’m grateful for your writing, and for the thought it stimulates in me.
Oh, Darrell -- I just read this out loud to my husband, and now I've got a lump in my throat. What a fabulous comment! Such an authentic description of how change actually happens (or...in a different sort of person...doesn't).
So many of us want to say "leave me alone, I've already decided where I'm parking." After a lifetime of deliberation, being asked to deliberate again is exhausting. But your response tells me you haven't stopped asking questions, and I so admire that.
Thank you for this, genuinely. I'm grateful you're here.💗
I’m reminded of the quote by Henry Ford , which goes something like this: “When all you do is what you’ve always done , you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten “ Or something to that effect.
I confess , I’m a habitual certain parking spot kinda gal , too . Mostly , I park as far away from the entrance as possible , in a hyper- miler spot , and in the summer , I’m always on the prowl for a bit of shade !
Melody, that quote fits perfectly, and it's a good reminder that the essay isn't really anti-routine. Routine is useful right up until it isn't, and the trick is noticing when you've crossed that line.
Also, a hyper-miler and shade-seeker in the same parking philosophy is a very specific combination, and I respect it completely. Sounds like you've optimized for exercise and comfort at the same time, which might be the most efficient version of "having a system" I've heard yet in these comments. Thank you for chiming in.
I was going to write that I'd never changed anyone's mind about anything, and then remembered something. I was very, very religious from about 13-20. My family was not. Only me. And I was hardcore sincere and intense about it. Several people followed me into it (both of my sisters, a couple of friends); not one followed me out. The appeal of religion--the quicksand of it, and how it addresses something so many of us seem to need--is immense. This feels off topic to what you're discussing here, but I think maybe it's sideways to it. We choose the familiar most of the time, but what comforts an ache in us has its own gravitational pull.
Wendy, this isn't off topic at all. In fact, it might be the most striking example anyone's offered here. Leaving something that addresses an ache seems to be a fundamentally different act than discovering it in the first place, even when it's the exact same path walked backward.
"Its own gravitational pull" is the perfect term for it, right alongside "quicksand." That hurt is very likely what's underneath a lot of political and religious identity, which ups the ante when we're talking about risk and familiarity. Some choices are about filling a hole that would otherwise stay empty. Thank you for bringing this here. We have a whole religion conversation to have some day, my friend. 💗
Great perspective as always!! And the end reinforces one of my beliefs: You can share the same big “values” and still disagree strongly on topics, politics, teams, etc. As well know I think, I live that model every day! Xxoo
You do indeed know, Margaret! Sometimes I think just prefer the validation of agreement. It takes a certain kind of wisdom to accept that differences of opinion aren't always deal breakers. Though sometimes, I must admit, they are.
Thanks for stopping by. Hope you're doing okay. 💗
Ah, so good, Elizabeth.
I also live in a rural area, and, yes, I have my favorite parking spots.
I'll share with my friends at the Conservation District and Organic Farm School.
Lastly, I'm English, and yes, we can be really annoying about football!
Thanks, John, and I love the idea of you sharing this with folks you know in similar lines of work. I'll forgive your annoying football behavior if you'll forgive me for the damage I did to the accent in my audio version. 😂
Oh, now I have to listen! And what is your work, if I may ask?
John, I help tell the stories of farmers and agricultural communities while connecting people with programs and resources that support farmland conservation and sustainable agriculture across the Mid-Atlantic. More in DMs. ☺️
First of all, I am the proud mother of a stubborn hound that needed some of my hollering in the early years. She is okay now. Your thoughtful essay made me think of two things. One, humans are a creature of habit for lots of reasons, including a feeling of security and safety. But shaking up the routine is definitely valuable. Two, I think we are victims of tribalism, where we only believe what our tribe thinks. To reach the other side, we need to reach someone in the tribe who can explain it to them in language they trust. This helps break down barriers with folks who don’t believe your facts. I know you have seen great success with farmers showing each other their progress using certain practices. They trust and respect each other’s experiences. (BTW I wrote years ago about tribalism for the national fish and game folks who were trying to understand why people didn’t believe about climate change. We quoted experts who studied tribes in Africa. It applies more than ever here than before!)
I think the benefits of shaking up the routine might be the topic of another essay, Teresa. You are so right. In fact, research tells us it helps stave off cognitive decline. So, there ya' go! A new campaign approach: Ditch Dementia! Vote Differently! 😅
Another yes on our tendencies toward tribalism. We need to know where and with whom we belong. This speaks to our resistance to making choices that might alienate us from our families and communities. So another effort is to find and lift up the voices of those who are trusted from within. On Substack, Jess Piper comes to mind: https://jesspiper.substack.com/
I really appreciate your thoughtful comment.
In computer science, I think this problem is called “optimal stopping.” It also can be applied to say, how many people should you date before you marry?
As you point out, humans mess things up. :)
There is one great takeaway though: never go to a new restaurant if you know you are going to move. If it is better than your normal restaurant you will have regret. It’s a bad time to explore.
Oh, Josh, that's a fascinating takeaway! I do worry, though that taken too far, none of us would ever venture beyond our first finds. I also think some of this comes down to personality. We see some farmers who will never change, some who might, but only if circumstances drive them to it, or someone they trust goes first. And then there are the those who are, by nature, risk takers and inovators. They're the mavericks, always out front blazing trails. Thank goodness for them!
So good to see you here in the comments. Thanks for chiming in.
Your graphics are fantastic, Elizabeth!
Thank you, Kim. I had a lot of fun with those, and I'm really glad you liked them.
Beautiful thoughts. So much to ponder. Molly and I were just talking about the "scout mindset" which is a kind of Bayesian "as you take in information, update your beliefs" kind of thing. Julia Galef is author of the book by that name.
Gets me wondering: Teresa O mentioned "security, safety" and "tribalism." I think of the power of the tribe, the value of belonging to something that has such an appeal. On the other hand, the search for what is true (and updating your thinking along the way) is such an individual thing. As I said, much to ponder. As usual.
I love "out-holler a hound" and I want to use it in conversation as soon as possible. I'll give you credit.
Humans are complex creatures, for sure. No doubt, I could spend much longer dissecting more of the influences on our decision-making. Teresa names a couple, and Josh Datko and I dip into others. I regret that media (social and otherwise) has become such a force, because it has supersized the tribe well past anything our brains evolved to handle. We are now loyal to an algorithmically assembled crowd of strangers.
That scale shift might explain something I find most unsettling: how many people seem less attached to what they believe than to making sure the other side never wins. It's not conviction so much as opposition, tribalism with the content scooped out. I'm not sure how we move beyond that.
And please, take the hound line and run. Credit appreciated but not required. I'm just glad it's getting some use beyond my own kitchen counter. Thanks, Stew (and Molly).
On our farm, now run by our son, he researches and follows new (if holistic) trends. Consequently during the Big Dry, he kept our flocks in superb condition, we have little to no parasite issues and the pregnancies on scanning last week, were at 115 % which during a dry year is phenomenal. My husband, used to older practices, is attuned enough to agree and support change. I am proud of them both. Our biggest successes in improving our grazing property have been the massed mixed species tree plantings, drilling not ploughing, mixed species pasture and weed management, something you often don't see the oldtimers do.
As to parking, I just find an empty spot. No system. But I'm a creature of routine and knowing where happiness and joy exist. In my 70's, that's hardly likely to change. C'est la vie.
Thank you, Prue, this is wonderful-- a perfect real-world example of exactly what I was trying to get at. Your husband didn't need to be argued out of older practices; he just needed to see the results land. Healthier flocks (115% scanning rate during a dry year!) is all the proof needed. I love that your son is the one bringing the new thinking while staying rooted on the family farm. That's the version of "generational change" we want to hear.
Knowing where happiness and joy exist... Bingo! Parking is, as they say, small potatoes. I wonder if you've seen this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7rhMqTQ4WI
I don’t have to think about where I park! Ever! I am in a power wheelchair thanks to multiple sclerosis. I don’t have a wheelchair van. I take public transit. I cackle at your weak adventures trying to find a place to park while burning hydrocarbons.
Please, just stop driving so much. Stop looking for a parking space. Get out of that car and walk, meet some people.
Stop driving and start living.
Fran, I really appreciated this comment and the restack of it. I’ll share here what I shared out there.
I live rural enough that I almost never have to hunt for parking. In fact, I tease people who complain about it. There's also no public transit to speak of—even Uber is scarce. Your wheelchair view adds nuance to the conversation, and I'm really glad you brought that in.
While I’d hoped the essay would call attention to how our habits and biases also show up in the way we think about those we disagree with politically, your version is arguably more useful. I may have buried the actual lede under a Ford F-150. 😅
Very thought provoking Elizabeth. I’m often teased about my parking preferences, which are driven mostly by the weather. Not rain though. It’s that cooler shady spot I’m after, even if it means a longer walk to wherever I’m headed. (I’m sure there’s a philosophical metaphor there somewhere.) I do have to say I don’t mind bagpipes. The more the better. Apparently Bostonians heartily agree in recent days. To your point though, it must have been an English person who quipped “How do you define a gentleman? It’s someone who knows how to play the bagpipes but doesn’t.”
Thanks, Rob. Zen and the Art of Shade Seeking. There's definitely a metaphor in there (maybe you're more like a farmer than you ever imagined) but I'll leave that one for you to write. And noting your bagpipe enthusiasm for the record, in case anyone in this comment section was hoping for a unified front on that issue. Bagpipes make me cry. Maybe that's why a concert feels less than appealing.
That quote is perfect and self-aware in a way the English seem to have mastered.
Good metaphor, Elizabeth, and so well done, as always. It seems that habitual practices in everyday life offer a certain kind of dependable ease and a sense of control over personal/immediate reality... low-stakes things. If you are compelled to shake things up.... so the menu special wasn't good, and you regret it, but no long-term harm done. The unsatisfying meal likely reinforces getting the tried and true, so you know you would leave happy (and no over-thinking). Jumping to bigger issues... higher stakes.
Thanks, Amy. The bad menu choice is self-correcting in a way that political risk isn't. You get a mediocre meal, you learn your lesson, you go back to what works--no harm done. But the equivalent "wrong choice" in politics doesn't resolve in one sitting. It can take years to find out whether it was actually a mistake, which probably makes people even more reluctant to order off-menu in the first place. No easy solutions, that's for sure. Like I said, I don't know what the answers are. I just know that demonizing our opponents is not it. Appreciate you thinking it through with me.
Elizabeth, this is so excellent! Really well done. I enjoyed the dialogue scenario lol. This piece very much reminds me of the writing of Malcolm Gladwell.
Thank you, Don, that means a lot, and I'm so grateful for the restack. The dialogue was fun to write, even if I butchered the accent in the audio (full disclosure: I read it once in a "normal" voice, which didn't work at all!) The Gladwell comparison 🤯... I don't know what to say. He may not be everyone's cuppa, but I LOVE his style. So grateful.
Well, now I’m gonna have to go back and listen to the audio! 🙏🩷🩷
😅
So much of what you write about farmers made me think of teachers. In my first year of teaching, my department head told me I was a risk-taker. I was surprised; I thought of myself as a cautious person who didn't do anything unless I was pretty sure it would succeed. But to her, my emthusiasm for trying new things seemed risky. Later, I became a person whose job was to support teachers in developing their practices, and I was continually surprised by the resistance I encountered to even trying new things. Even when what they were doing was not giving the results they wanted. I did a lot of what you describe here as being ineffective--making a case with statistics and examples and logic. Didn't ever work, and I came to dislike that job quite a bit! I'm glad I don't have to try to change anyone's mind for a living now. Your words remind me of how hard it is to do that. Thanks for deepening my understanding of why.
Rita, this is such a great parallel, an example that differs from farming in some ways, because the stakes for a teacher trying something new are immediate and public. You're standing in front of thirty kids in real time. Of course that feels risky, even when the underlying idea is sound. I love that you forged ahead!
I think you've put your finger on something I didn't fully articulate: the case-with-statistics approach doesn't just fail to persuade, it can actually make people feel more exposed, because now they're not just being asked to change, they're being asked to admit the old way wasn't working while someone is watching. No wonder it didn't land, no matter how good your evidence was.
I'm sorry that job wore on you the way it did. I'm sure you were doing the hardest version of an already hard thing. Thank you for bringing teaching into this. I'll be thinking about it.
Yes, thanks for taking that analysis further than I did. I think you're spot-on.
I would like to organize the rest of my life as well as I organize my parking spots. With parking, I have considered all the possibilities and have settled on the ideal spots supported by a lot of well-considered reasons. So I no longer have to think about where I park. I just go to my spot.
I sometimes wish my human interactions, political opinions and spiritual life could be organized that way. I could choose, after years of deliberation, that I will always vote for a Democrat regardless of what the candidates actually say or demonstrate, That way I don’t have to spend a lot of time evaluating the relative merits of each of the candidates.
If I can decide after years of reflection, reading, talking and listening that there is a God, then I shouldn’t have to think about it any more. I can just park in my usual pew at church
Then along comes a politician or a theologian who “makes” me take a look at things differently. I want to say, “Leave me alone. I have already decided where I am parking”.
I served recently as a Democrat poll watcher. A Republican poll watcher sat next to me. She loves her grandchildren. I love mine. She dotes on her son. I dote on mine. She’s proud of her spouse. I’m proud of mine. She wants her grandchildren to get a good education, find a career they like, develop good relationships, have fun. I want the same. As much as I don’t want to, that experience causes me to at least consider parking in a different spot - not clear across the lot, but maybe one space to the left or right.
I’m grateful for your writing, and for the thought it stimulates in me.
Oh, Darrell -- I just read this out loud to my husband, and now I've got a lump in my throat. What a fabulous comment! Such an authentic description of how change actually happens (or...in a different sort of person...doesn't).
So many of us want to say "leave me alone, I've already decided where I'm parking." After a lifetime of deliberation, being asked to deliberate again is exhausting. But your response tells me you haven't stopped asking questions, and I so admire that.
Thank you for this, genuinely. I'm grateful you're here.💗
I’m reminded of the quote by Henry Ford , which goes something like this: “When all you do is what you’ve always done , you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten “ Or something to that effect.
I confess , I’m a habitual certain parking spot kinda gal , too . Mostly , I park as far away from the entrance as possible , in a hyper- miler spot , and in the summer , I’m always on the prowl for a bit of shade !
Melody, that quote fits perfectly, and it's a good reminder that the essay isn't really anti-routine. Routine is useful right up until it isn't, and the trick is noticing when you've crossed that line.
Also, a hyper-miler and shade-seeker in the same parking philosophy is a very specific combination, and I respect it completely. Sounds like you've optimized for exercise and comfort at the same time, which might be the most efficient version of "having a system" I've heard yet in these comments. Thank you for chiming in.
One more thing - I wish you would consider running for president. Just sayin ‘
HAHAHAHA!!!
No. ☺️
I was going to write that I'd never changed anyone's mind about anything, and then remembered something. I was very, very religious from about 13-20. My family was not. Only me. And I was hardcore sincere and intense about it. Several people followed me into it (both of my sisters, a couple of friends); not one followed me out. The appeal of religion--the quicksand of it, and how it addresses something so many of us seem to need--is immense. This feels off topic to what you're discussing here, but I think maybe it's sideways to it. We choose the familiar most of the time, but what comforts an ache in us has its own gravitational pull.
Wendy, this isn't off topic at all. In fact, it might be the most striking example anyone's offered here. Leaving something that addresses an ache seems to be a fundamentally different act than discovering it in the first place, even when it's the exact same path walked backward.
"Its own gravitational pull" is the perfect term for it, right alongside "quicksand." That hurt is very likely what's underneath a lot of political and religious identity, which ups the ante when we're talking about risk and familiarity. Some choices are about filling a hole that would otherwise stay empty. Thank you for bringing this here. We have a whole religion conversation to have some day, my friend. 💗
I greatly look forward to it. ❤️