This is lovely, Elizabeth. I love the picture. "Mid-love blur" reminds me of my own period of falling in love. We were lucky enough to get a picture, too. The period is special. So many people commented on the vibe that Jennifer and I were sending off, just walking down the street together, or sitting side-by-side on the couch at the coffee shop. We weren't kids, we weren't all over each other, but people would still comment, "Aw, you two look great together." People still comment 19 years later!
Don, I knew you’d understand the “mid-love blur” — you and Jennifer pretty much radiate that just-fell-into-something-real frequency. The kind that makes strangers smile and baristas slip you a free muffin “just because.” And 19 years later, still turning heads? That’s the deluxe version. I think you’re both proof that glow-ups aren’t just for individuals…sometimes couples glow up together. Well done, and thank you.
Thanks, Rona. That line still makes me laugh—it seemed like such a flex at the time. Now it feels like ancient wizardry. Who needs a bouquet when you can read a paper map and actually show up? 😅 Always good to see you here.
Since I've known you forever and feels like I've known Jim about the same amount of time, I have nothing really to add to your beautiful story except how happy I was and am to be a part of that schooner story... I believe you are correct, though.... Relationships really do bloom when the soul is ready to burst forth with mature happiness... Personally I think you both were on that edge... So happy to have been part of your wedding day and watched the happiness unite... I must admit I have laughed the last 15 minutes thinking about Jim using the age-old excuse of a used volvo part in order to find whether you were home or not.... That did not disappoint me Jim... It just showed even the charming Prince can be clutsy at times... I love it!
Barry, only you could wrap wisdom, nostalgia, and Volvo comedy into one glorious comment. You really were there for so much of it -- awkward junior high years, awkward senior high years (ha!), wedding-day magic, and the occasional Prince Charming plot twist involving auto parts. I love that you remember it all, and even more that you still laugh about it. And you're right—our souls were ready. Or at least ripe enough to recognize the good stuff when it knocked at the door (literally). So grateful you were and are part of the story.
Not surprisingly, my story is different (hello, different people!), but the learning was the same. And, isn't that a wonderful feeling? Of loving and caring about yourself enough to want to connect with others just because they are people too?
I didn't have any sort of long term relationship at all (dated a few men a few times, but nothing lasting); indeed, I was single, doing fulfilling work, and yet lonely. That was as much from not having many friends as it was from being single. But, I was -- most of the time -- happy with what life was about.
I met my now-husband singing in a community choir. I tell people that I married him for his lovely, deep bass voice. That's partly true, but also because we spent time being friends and getting to know one another and delight in the resonance of connection. It took three years of dating (and me moving around for my job) before we married at age 44 and 43. But, yes, I had come to that place of knowing and loving myself. (Not that I couldn't have made a good connection and relationship earlier; it just happened when it happened because of circumstance).
Kimmy, thank you for sharing such a thoughtful reflection. I love how you highlight that core truth: loving and caring for ourselves is the foundation for connecting deeply with others, no matter the shape our relationships take. Your story of meeting through music, nurturing friendship over time, and waiting for the right season feels like a beautiful testament to that patient, grounded love. Here’s to all the different paths that lead us to connection, and the wisdom we gather along the way. Really appreciate you being here.
"Coupledom doesn't make us whole. We are not missing pieces" jumped out at me! So many young women, even today, feel that way. May I suggest coupledom is the frame around a puzzle already (or well into being) completed?
In the brief interactions I've had with your Jim at his shop, I think you did find a prize worth keeping!
Marcia, I’m loving your puzzle metaphor — “coupledom as the frame” is a great way to put it! I'm not surprised Jim made a good impression beyond my radar -- he's got a good heart! Thanks for the kind words; I’m grateful you're both part of my orbit. :)
“That version of me wasn’t waiting for a soulmate or trying to fill a void. She had learned that the most meaningful connections don’t begin in the search for completion. They begin when you already know who you are.” - amen sister!
Amen indeed, Lindsay! There’s something so freeing about showing up as yourself -- though I'll admit to slipping out of that mode here and there across the years. Your writing always seems to flow from a place of knowing and owning your story. Thanks for dropping by and lifting the vibe!
I married late in life, having done most all the things I wanted to do, by myself. A psychic friend told me I had to leave the state I was living in (and loved devotedly, having lived many places around the U.S.), that if I wanted to find my soul mate, I'd have to leave and trust my guidance to tell me where to go. I gave up job, home, current relationship (which was on the way out anyway and ended in loving friendship) and friends, got rid of everything, bought a motorhome and hit the road with an "Okay, where to?" question.
It all came together: I ended up where I was supposed to be, had a dream of seeing my soul mate walking down the street on opposite sidewalks, and then got an online message from the dating service we both registered to. I was going to delete that message when Guidance said don't. I agreed to meet for lunch, future spouse got out of the truck — and there was my soul mate from the dream! We've been together ever since.
Wow, Lightbulb Curator—what an amazing journey! I admire how you trusted your inner guidance so fully, even when it meant leaving everything behind. Then seeing your soulmate in real life, in keeping with the dream? I can't imagine what you must have been feeling in that moment. Thank you for sharing such a vivid, inspiring story. It’s a beautiful reminder that sometimes the universe does have a plan, if we’re brave enough to listen and follow.
I love every single one of your words almost as much as I love the two of you.
'That version of me wasn’t waiting for a soulmate or trying to fill a void. She had learned that the most meaningful connections don’t begin in the search for completion. They begin when you already know who you are.' This is so powerful - I want to send it to every young person I know.
'temporary alchemy of lust, salt air, whales and sea shanties' - and this right here? I'll be sprinkling it into every conversation I can. You've been warned.
thank you for your words and thank you for sharing your story.
Roe, you’re the absolute best. I’m so touched you feel that way about the words and about this "flawsome" duo. And by all means, sprinkle to your heart's content! Thank you for always being such a loving, generous reader and friend. Sending you all the good vibes (and sea shanties) back.
My husband and I have been married 46 years. I believe in the last 10 years I have finally learned to be my own person. I am so glad I hung in there through the ups and downs. I was very lucky to find a good guy. We are loving life and each other and feel blessed everyday. Thank you for sharing your wonderful story.
Thank you so much, Sarah. Forty-six years together is crazy inspiring! That you learned to be your own person along the way speaks volumes, both of you and your spouse. I hope you and your husband continue to find joy and blessings for many years to come, and I'm grateful you took the time to share your story here.
Definitely a good and romantic story! I'm glad you knew who you were and also had/have a romance that has lasted all these years. It sounds a bit like magic, but I imagine there is some work involved, too. Happy anniversary to you both.
Thank you, Amy. Yes, magic and work, for sure. So much work. I really appreciate how you see the dance between the two, and I imagine you know it firsthand. I’ve been reflecting a lot on how deeply ingrained the idea is that marriage is the “bow” on the gift of a relationship, even though so many of us know love and commitment take countless shapes. Your comment feels like a lovely reminder that lasting connection comes from being self-aware and choosing to keep showing up, however that looks. Grateful for your thoughtful perspective, the good wishes and continued conversation. As always. See you soon!
I just read this aloud to Busy. "Every young woman should read that," was her immediate response when I had finished. Is it still true for many, that finding the right guy (or gal) feels like a completion? I don't know. But still, it's a timeless message. What I take away from it is something like: keep track of yourself; find your most "confident version" of yourself; seek to be "utterly fine" with who you are. Beautiful.
Thank you so much for the read aloud with Busy—and please send her my gratitude. Your thoughts are important and accurate, though maybe this is relaxing somewhat now. I think Molly’s path, and our girls', reflects exactly that -- stepping into relationships from a place of confidence and completeness. I so appreciate your family’s friendship and for the beautiful insights you all share, across places and time!
Eileen, coming from the OG Love Thug, that means everything. I have the sense you've always known enchantment doesn’t need a ballgown or a talking teapot—just a good heart and a true story. Grateful for you. See you soon!
Such a lovely reminiscence, Elizabeth. As I read it, I was reminded of a line from my memoir: "I had found love and there was nothing I needed to do about it."
Ooh...chef's kiss on that one! A fellow Substack writer, Marc Typo @Raising Myles, concludes each post (letters to his young son) with "I love you, and there is nothing you can do about it." I might feel some kind of group hug coming on! 😅
Absolutely. We have to love being with ourselves before we can ‘properly’ / fully love someone else. Thanks for sharing this lovely story. I’m one of those who’s never felt the need to partner up. I honestly can’t see how it could fit anyone else into my life. But if it’s meant to be, it will happen. And if it does, I hope it’s as fulfilling as your version. Hugs my dear. An excellent read.
Aw, thanks, Beth for the sweet finale to this thoughtful comment. From what I can tell, you are rocking your life, so good for you! Such a pleasure to have you among my readers.
This is lovely, Elizabeth. I love the picture. "Mid-love blur" reminds me of my own period of falling in love. We were lucky enough to get a picture, too. The period is special. So many people commented on the vibe that Jennifer and I were sending off, just walking down the street together, or sitting side-by-side on the couch at the coffee shop. We weren't kids, we weren't all over each other, but people would still comment, "Aw, you two look great together." People still comment 19 years later!
Don, I knew you’d understand the “mid-love blur” — you and Jennifer pretty much radiate that just-fell-into-something-real frequency. The kind that makes strangers smile and baristas slip you a free muffin “just because.” And 19 years later, still turning heads? That’s the deluxe version. I think you’re both proof that glow-ups aren’t just for individuals…sometimes couples glow up together. Well done, and thank you.
Thanks, Elizabeth!
Lovely, Elizabeth. And true. I had to smile at Jim's gift for reading a map. Who can do that in the days of navigating by smartphone?
Thanks, Rona. That line still makes me laugh—it seemed like such a flex at the time. Now it feels like ancient wizardry. Who needs a bouquet when you can read a paper map and actually show up? 😅 Always good to see you here.
Thank whatever gods there be for smartphones. I’m just awful with maps.
Oh, same! Well, actually, I'm just awful with directions of any kind. Phone-based GPS was a godsend for me.
Since I've known you forever and feels like I've known Jim about the same amount of time, I have nothing really to add to your beautiful story except how happy I was and am to be a part of that schooner story... I believe you are correct, though.... Relationships really do bloom when the soul is ready to burst forth with mature happiness... Personally I think you both were on that edge... So happy to have been part of your wedding day and watched the happiness unite... I must admit I have laughed the last 15 minutes thinking about Jim using the age-old excuse of a used volvo part in order to find whether you were home or not.... That did not disappoint me Jim... It just showed even the charming Prince can be clutsy at times... I love it!
Barry, only you could wrap wisdom, nostalgia, and Volvo comedy into one glorious comment. You really were there for so much of it -- awkward junior high years, awkward senior high years (ha!), wedding-day magic, and the occasional Prince Charming plot twist involving auto parts. I love that you remember it all, and even more that you still laugh about it. And you're right—our souls were ready. Or at least ripe enough to recognize the good stuff when it knocked at the door (literally). So grateful you were and are part of the story.
Not surprisingly, my story is different (hello, different people!), but the learning was the same. And, isn't that a wonderful feeling? Of loving and caring about yourself enough to want to connect with others just because they are people too?
I didn't have any sort of long term relationship at all (dated a few men a few times, but nothing lasting); indeed, I was single, doing fulfilling work, and yet lonely. That was as much from not having many friends as it was from being single. But, I was -- most of the time -- happy with what life was about.
I met my now-husband singing in a community choir. I tell people that I married him for his lovely, deep bass voice. That's partly true, but also because we spent time being friends and getting to know one another and delight in the resonance of connection. It took three years of dating (and me moving around for my job) before we married at age 44 and 43. But, yes, I had come to that place of knowing and loving myself. (Not that I couldn't have made a good connection and relationship earlier; it just happened when it happened because of circumstance).
Kimmy, thank you for sharing such a thoughtful reflection. I love how you highlight that core truth: loving and caring for ourselves is the foundation for connecting deeply with others, no matter the shape our relationships take. Your story of meeting through music, nurturing friendship over time, and waiting for the right season feels like a beautiful testament to that patient, grounded love. Here’s to all the different paths that lead us to connection, and the wisdom we gather along the way. Really appreciate you being here.
"Coupledom doesn't make us whole. We are not missing pieces" jumped out at me! So many young women, even today, feel that way. May I suggest coupledom is the frame around a puzzle already (or well into being) completed?
In the brief interactions I've had with your Jim at his shop, I think you did find a prize worth keeping!
Marcia, I’m loving your puzzle metaphor — “coupledom as the frame” is a great way to put it! I'm not surprised Jim made a good impression beyond my radar -- he's got a good heart! Thanks for the kind words; I’m grateful you're both part of my orbit. :)
“That version of me wasn’t waiting for a soulmate or trying to fill a void. She had learned that the most meaningful connections don’t begin in the search for completion. They begin when you already know who you are.” - amen sister!
Amen indeed, Lindsay! There’s something so freeing about showing up as yourself -- though I'll admit to slipping out of that mode here and there across the years. Your writing always seems to flow from a place of knowing and owning your story. Thanks for dropping by and lifting the vibe!
That place of owning my story has taken time... it feels so good to be arriving at this place!
I married late in life, having done most all the things I wanted to do, by myself. A psychic friend told me I had to leave the state I was living in (and loved devotedly, having lived many places around the U.S.), that if I wanted to find my soul mate, I'd have to leave and trust my guidance to tell me where to go. I gave up job, home, current relationship (which was on the way out anyway and ended in loving friendship) and friends, got rid of everything, bought a motorhome and hit the road with an "Okay, where to?" question.
It all came together: I ended up where I was supposed to be, had a dream of seeing my soul mate walking down the street on opposite sidewalks, and then got an online message from the dating service we both registered to. I was going to delete that message when Guidance said don't. I agreed to meet for lunch, future spouse got out of the truck — and there was my soul mate from the dream! We've been together ever since.
Thanks for sharing, Elizabeth!
Wow, Lightbulb Curator—what an amazing journey! I admire how you trusted your inner guidance so fully, even when it meant leaving everything behind. Then seeing your soulmate in real life, in keeping with the dream? I can't imagine what you must have been feeling in that moment. Thank you for sharing such a vivid, inspiring story. It’s a beautiful reminder that sometimes the universe does have a plan, if we’re brave enough to listen and follow.
I love every single one of your words almost as much as I love the two of you.
'That version of me wasn’t waiting for a soulmate or trying to fill a void. She had learned that the most meaningful connections don’t begin in the search for completion. They begin when you already know who you are.' This is so powerful - I want to send it to every young person I know.
'temporary alchemy of lust, salt air, whales and sea shanties' - and this right here? I'll be sprinkling it into every conversation I can. You've been warned.
thank you for your words and thank you for sharing your story.
Roe, you’re the absolute best. I’m so touched you feel that way about the words and about this "flawsome" duo. And by all means, sprinkle to your heart's content! Thank you for always being such a loving, generous reader and friend. Sending you all the good vibes (and sea shanties) back.
395607
Love the story!
My husband and I have been married 46 years. I believe in the last 10 years I have finally learned to be my own person. I am so glad I hung in there through the ups and downs. I was very lucky to find a good guy. We are loving life and each other and feel blessed everyday. Thank you for sharing your wonderful story.
Thank you so much, Sarah. Forty-six years together is crazy inspiring! That you learned to be your own person along the way speaks volumes, both of you and your spouse. I hope you and your husband continue to find joy and blessings for many years to come, and I'm grateful you took the time to share your story here.
Smart guy!
Right?! Jim definitely earns bonus points for that one. 😂 Thanks, Kathleen!
Definitely a good and romantic story! I'm glad you knew who you were and also had/have a romance that has lasted all these years. It sounds a bit like magic, but I imagine there is some work involved, too. Happy anniversary to you both.
Thank you, Amy. Yes, magic and work, for sure. So much work. I really appreciate how you see the dance between the two, and I imagine you know it firsthand. I’ve been reflecting a lot on how deeply ingrained the idea is that marriage is the “bow” on the gift of a relationship, even though so many of us know love and commitment take countless shapes. Your comment feels like a lovely reminder that lasting connection comes from being self-aware and choosing to keep showing up, however that looks. Grateful for your thoughtful perspective, the good wishes and continued conversation. As always. See you soon!
I just read this aloud to Busy. "Every young woman should read that," was her immediate response when I had finished. Is it still true for many, that finding the right guy (or gal) feels like a completion? I don't know. But still, it's a timeless message. What I take away from it is something like: keep track of yourself; find your most "confident version" of yourself; seek to be "utterly fine" with who you are. Beautiful.
Thank you so much for the read aloud with Busy—and please send her my gratitude. Your thoughts are important and accurate, though maybe this is relaxing somewhat now. I think Molly’s path, and our girls', reflects exactly that -- stepping into relationships from a place of confidence and completeness. I so appreciate your family’s friendship and for the beautiful insights you all share, across places and time!
mid-love blur''1 purrfect, if anything can be. What an uplift!
Jill, If this little story offered even a moment of uplift, I’m deeply honored. Thanks for reading and for leaving a smile behind.
Might not be Disney, but still enchanting in its honesty. ❤️
Eileen, coming from the OG Love Thug, that means everything. I have the sense you've always known enchantment doesn’t need a ballgown or a talking teapot—just a good heart and a true story. Grateful for you. See you soon!
Such a lovely reminiscence, Elizabeth. As I read it, I was reminded of a line from my memoir: "I had found love and there was nothing I needed to do about it."
Ooh...chef's kiss on that one! A fellow Substack writer, Marc Typo @Raising Myles, concludes each post (letters to his young son) with "I love you, and there is nothing you can do about it." I might feel some kind of group hug coming on! 😅
Absolutely. We have to love being with ourselves before we can ‘properly’ / fully love someone else. Thanks for sharing this lovely story. I’m one of those who’s never felt the need to partner up. I honestly can’t see how it could fit anyone else into my life. But if it’s meant to be, it will happen. And if it does, I hope it’s as fulfilling as your version. Hugs my dear. An excellent read.
Aw, thanks, Beth for the sweet finale to this thoughtful comment. From what I can tell, you are rocking your life, so good for you! Such a pleasure to have you among my readers.