Today was like reading a great book... I wasn't giving any thought to replying because I was enjoying all your little mini stories and adventures with neighbors and birds.. But I have to say before you ever took the new personality test.... having known you most of your life and worked with you endless hours... I could have told you you were a reformer.... and liked to improve things..... Couldn't have done without you...
I love that you saw that in me, Barry. I don't think I saw it in myself until much later. That's why we need wise souls in our lives and people who stay with us through all our iterations. Thank you for that. And for this.
As always, so timely your posts are to me, Elizabeth. I just started reading Atomic Habits to try and make some changes for myself as it seems important to accomplish something every day no matter how miniscule. I bought a few pairs of fleece-lined leggings in a brand that I enjoy myself and donated to a homeless shelter. I track the birds in my back garden on my Merlin app and we are up to 145 different species - I remain pleased that we must be doing *something* right and yes, the Eastern Towhees are also here! I am tending my own African violets in their Ziplock bag oxygen tents and ONE is finally showing tiny new leaves! Microscopic triumphs when I feel so helpless.
I am like you - I can never accept that there isn't a way out, something else to try.
The state of the world and all its hatred haunts me as I think it does most women, especially - and also, I have had a loss of innocence about how poorly women are treated and often with such contempt. My best friend has been a top neurologist for many years but when she was a resident, she and the other (female) residents were always the ones dispatched to fetch coffees for the (male) doctors. She is one of the brightest lights in my life and in her patients' lives. Finally, I am an INFJ with Myers-Briggs - you? Thanks, Elizabeth for writing xo
Such a rich comment, Sue. Thank you. Thank you for taking warm clothes to those who could really use them. For tracking birds (so many!). For oxygen tents. Your neurologist friend affirms the sad and maddening truth of what so many of us have experienced, and still do.
Last time I dove into MBTI, I'm pretty sure I, too, was INFJ. I remember pausing on that J a bit. :)
Low emotional intelligence? I personally have never seen it myself, so not sure about those tests. But I definitely see a person who cares about making the world a better place in work and life. These are tough times and self compassion will help us find resilience to survive and thrive. Sending you and your readers a little tranquility during these challenging moments.
Aw, I appreciate that, Teresa. I still bump up against my own criticisms more than I'd like. It took me a while to get over feeling confused and hurt by that particular test result, even though it didn't feel accurate. Your sent tranquility is happily received, and my goodness, friend...sending it back to you as well, tucked in a box of healing.
☺️ What a gift to know these little bits of noticing came together for something good. Thank you, and I hope your one "do" for the week brings you joy.
I think those "a LOT of" traits are called wings. It's been fascinating thinking about myself and others with this new information. I have a theory about this kind of test for me: I really am a centrist in many ways (not just politically), so I end up picking the middle option across a spectrum. For the Enneagram that meant choosing "neutral" with some frequency. I decided I didn't love that term. Neutral implies having no feelings one way or another rather than being equally positioned between the two poles. 😁
You are accomplishing a lot internally, m'dear. That might be plenty. Mwah!
Will transplanting the flowering violet then change the blooming? Or will it be thrilled that it started and then got fresh dirt to finish?
I learned quite a bit from this wise commentary today, Elizabeth. Things I had never considered. But I do know that when things are threatened, drastic measures may need to be taken, and may need to be avoided.
I was rather unaware of those personality tests, and a tad intrigued. I usually simply think of myself as Virgo because that glove largely fits.
That's a good question, Janice, and the only correct answer is that I don't really know. So many of the plants we put into our gardens are blooming when they get tucked in the ground, so instinct tells me it won't have too much of an impact. Fingers crossed!
I appreciate the reminder that drastic measures can be chosen or avoided, depending on what the situation demands. I suppose the hard part is discerning which is which.
Happy to pass along a link for the free Enneagram test if you wish. Can't wait to hear about your trip!!
Another day of the world gone even madder with casualties but without reason. Stay close at hand, I say to me, or it will truly overwhelm.
I hope i do justice to the peace I experienced on those islands, and hope, wholeheartedly, it can somehow prevail a bit even as we send our troops to that nation, too. I so appreciate you. ~J
This is such a beautiful meditation, Elizabeth. I love the way you lay out a path of stones and trust us to cross them and arrive at the same place you are. Like you, writing is the cooler I can put within reach. And like you, I often feel it is not enough, that it is not what should be in my hands right now, not what would be in my hands if things were different. But they aren't. I am learning these things the hard way, and I appreciate the gentleness toward them that your words help me cultivate. I especially appreciate your suggestion at the end, to name three things I am actually capable of doing. Sounds simple, but for a chronic over-doer (I'm an Enneagram 5, but have heavy 1 tendencies) it is not. Just today I had to tell an organization that I actually can't do for them what I thought I could. I will be thinking about your question tomorrow. Thanks for sharing it.
Good for you, Rita! Literally. Learning to say "this doesn't work for me after all" is just as important as learning to move things forward. In fact, that is a kind of moving forward, isn't it?
Very grateful you are on this journey with me, stone by stone. I have a lot left to learn, and it helps to have kind hearts alongside to help shed light where it's needed.
Is is a kind of moving forward (just as saying “no” is often a way of saying “yes”). I’m grateful for your kind heart, too, though I can think of other journeys I’d much prefer to travel with you!
Thank you, Jill! What a sweet framing. I did wonder if you meant my sing-song Towhee call in the audio voiceover🐦⬛ 🎶 or the tenor of the essay as a whole. Either way, I'm grateful.
All of this is a gift, Elizabeth, especially the lines: "The question, especially now, when so many of us are standing in front of problems too large to fix, is whether we can stop staring at what we can’t do long enough to see what we can."
Today I could copy the roughest possible draft of a poem onto a new page in my notebook, revising as I copied. I could take an assortment of recycling downstairs to the bins, and spend some time cleaning up the leaf-litter under the plants in the lobby of my apartment building. I can spend time reading the Substack posts in my inbox and responding to them.
That sounds like quite a lot of accomplishment to me. All of them and in particular the final three. Thank you for writing, praying, and paying attention so consistently, and for reading so thoughtfully. Much appreciated.
We have had towhees at our feeder for the first time in years. Maybe it's a movement.
I love your slide show, especially the "one tender practical decision" made by the couple. I took the Enneagram thirty years ago. I was a 4: Individualist. Reformer was my trajectory for growth. I don't know if I have budged from my position. But Reformer fits how I experience you.
"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." That's Arthur Ashe (I think). It's always been my mantra for agency.
These days have felt like a test of immediacy - finding what works in any given moment to keep an even keel. I really like the idea of asking 'what is in my hands, right now?'
Reminds me of the Zen quote: "Before Enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment chop wood, carry water".
Hmm...I'm sure I replied to this before now, Stew. Maybe I forgot to actually hit "Reply." I cheaped out and skipped the paid report on my Enneagram, so I've been sort of piecing the information together from other resources, but Reformer certainly felt right in the moment. I'm not sure how "trajectories for growth" are determined, but I gather it's not just which section shows up less prominently, which for me was 4. We really do need to have a sit down some day to dig in further. I'm fascinated by, and more or less ignorant about these tests, but my gut tells me mine have a tendency to not capture *all* of me. As if any test could to do that for anyone?
Thanks for the thoughtful comment, as always. I especially love the Zen quote.
Elizabeth, this brought me to tears—the tenderness of it, but also the grounded practicality. And we must be tuned into the same psychic frequency because I just wrote about needing to figure out a single next step—which seems very in tune with figuring out what your hands can hold.
So many people in my circles are in this mode of thinking. And that is actually is one of the places I find hope. Thanks, Irena. Looking forward to reading your piece.
Okay: I’m late as usual to read your essays , but that’s just the procrastinator in me.
Like you , nature ( in particular birds) and plants have always been what keeps me alive, sane, happy, and grounded. So , I have been sowing native seeds in jugs outside in the hopes that they germinate and grow sometime soon.
I also shared your essay with two friends of mine - a kind of sowing as well .
There is no "late," Melody. I'm honored that you're reading anytime. Your native seeding project sounds wonderful. I've prioritized natives in my yard, but some have been repeatedly unsuccessful, so it's hard to be sure what works in a given area. I'm working toward another bird and pollinator-friendly area but will be looking for established plants to transplant in. Let's keep each other updated on how it's going!
So many thanks for sowing this piece 'out there.' Just lovely.
Elizabeth - this is a beautiful post, and I love the juxtaposition of several different threads of observation, the natural world, and the observation of real people living real lives. The series of tenants after the daughter moved... is something you are so good at bringing to life. The violets... I love that, really. And I remember the source of the violets. So many good lines here... hard to choose what to restack. Hope the light change went easily.
As for the enneagram... I'm all for taking a few different tests or reading/listening to some discussion of the type to be sure... but I can see the one. I can. I love how it may have sparked thinking about others, too. As a way to think about how others respond to things, it can be such an interesting tool, in additional to introspection.
Thanks for the exploration inspiration, Amy, and I didn't get a chance yet to remark on the song podcast. I've only listened to one--One--which, luckily for me, was first in the line-up. Wow, what a heart connection that was! I want to listen to them all just haven't had time yet. I appreciate all that you remember.
Today was like reading a great book... I wasn't giving any thought to replying because I was enjoying all your little mini stories and adventures with neighbors and birds.. But I have to say before you ever took the new personality test.... having known you most of your life and worked with you endless hours... I could have told you you were a reformer.... and liked to improve things..... Couldn't have done without you...
I love that you saw that in me, Barry. I don't think I saw it in myself until much later. That's why we need wise souls in our lives and people who stay with us through all our iterations. Thank you for that. And for this.
As always, so timely your posts are to me, Elizabeth. I just started reading Atomic Habits to try and make some changes for myself as it seems important to accomplish something every day no matter how miniscule. I bought a few pairs of fleece-lined leggings in a brand that I enjoy myself and donated to a homeless shelter. I track the birds in my back garden on my Merlin app and we are up to 145 different species - I remain pleased that we must be doing *something* right and yes, the Eastern Towhees are also here! I am tending my own African violets in their Ziplock bag oxygen tents and ONE is finally showing tiny new leaves! Microscopic triumphs when I feel so helpless.
I am like you - I can never accept that there isn't a way out, something else to try.
The state of the world and all its hatred haunts me as I think it does most women, especially - and also, I have had a loss of innocence about how poorly women are treated and often with such contempt. My best friend has been a top neurologist for many years but when she was a resident, she and the other (female) residents were always the ones dispatched to fetch coffees for the (male) doctors. She is one of the brightest lights in my life and in her patients' lives. Finally, I am an INFJ with Myers-Briggs - you? Thanks, Elizabeth for writing xo
Such a rich comment, Sue. Thank you. Thank you for taking warm clothes to those who could really use them. For tracking birds (so many!). For oxygen tents. Your neurologist friend affirms the sad and maddening truth of what so many of us have experienced, and still do.
Last time I dove into MBTI, I'm pretty sure I, too, was INFJ. I remember pausing on that J a bit. :)
INFJs are super rare apparently and as I understand it, the 'J' doesn't reflect the usual definition of judging! ❤️
Start with that at-hand,
daily acts, what’s in our hands.
Show up, speak up, stand.
...
Outcomes? Beyond us.
How we play the cards we’re dealt,
that is in our hands.
...
May we lock our arms,
may we do what’s in our hands.
Each day, come what may.
This is a beautifully crafted rallying cry, Marisol. Thank you!
Low emotional intelligence? I personally have never seen it myself, so not sure about those tests. But I definitely see a person who cares about making the world a better place in work and life. These are tough times and self compassion will help us find resilience to survive and thrive. Sending you and your readers a little tranquility during these challenging moments.
Aw, I appreciate that, Teresa. I still bump up against my own criticisms more than I'd like. It took me a while to get over feeling confused and hurt by that particular test result, even though it didn't feel accurate. Your sent tranquility is happily received, and my goodness, friend...sending it back to you as well, tucked in a box of healing.
Sometimes the experts aren’t always accurate. I think most people who know you would question the test’s results on that point.
💗 Thank you for that, Teresa.
Thank you. I needed that.
Thank you, Carol. I'm honored. Thanks, too, for the restack. 💚
You’ve done it again!
Weaved (woven?) a braid of stories and observations and impressions.
Created opportunities for me to reflect and consider, even change my perspective.
Thank you for all that.
And for the prompt. Gotta go now; 3 things await.
☺️ What a gift to know these little bits of noticing came together for something good. Thank you, and I hope your one "do" for the week brings you joy.
I was perplexed by your low EI score...the test must be fixed!
Amy got us both on the Enneagrams, I am a 4 but I had A LOT of 1 traits as well.
Off to see what I can accomplish. xo
I think those "a LOT of" traits are called wings. It's been fascinating thinking about myself and others with this new information. I have a theory about this kind of test for me: I really am a centrist in many ways (not just politically), so I end up picking the middle option across a spectrum. For the Enneagram that meant choosing "neutral" with some frequency. I decided I didn't love that term. Neutral implies having no feelings one way or another rather than being equally positioned between the two poles. 😁
You are accomplishing a lot internally, m'dear. That might be plenty. Mwah!
Truth is beauty, beauty truth. They meet here.
Sublime. Thank you, Rona.
Will transplanting the flowering violet then change the blooming? Or will it be thrilled that it started and then got fresh dirt to finish?
I learned quite a bit from this wise commentary today, Elizabeth. Things I had never considered. But I do know that when things are threatened, drastic measures may need to be taken, and may need to be avoided.
I was rather unaware of those personality tests, and a tad intrigued. I usually simply think of myself as Virgo because that glove largely fits.
I like your close at hand plan. Thanks. ~J
That's a good question, Janice, and the only correct answer is that I don't really know. So many of the plants we put into our gardens are blooming when they get tucked in the ground, so instinct tells me it won't have too much of an impact. Fingers crossed!
I appreciate the reminder that drastic measures can be chosen or avoided, depending on what the situation demands. I suppose the hard part is discerning which is which.
Happy to pass along a link for the free Enneagram test if you wish. Can't wait to hear about your trip!!
Another day of the world gone even madder with casualties but without reason. Stay close at hand, I say to me, or it will truly overwhelm.
I hope i do justice to the peace I experienced on those islands, and hope, wholeheartedly, it can somehow prevail a bit even as we send our troops to that nation, too. I so appreciate you. ~J
And yes please, DM your link for the test when you have a moment, I remain intrigued. Thank you.
This is such a beautiful meditation, Elizabeth. I love the way you lay out a path of stones and trust us to cross them and arrive at the same place you are. Like you, writing is the cooler I can put within reach. And like you, I often feel it is not enough, that it is not what should be in my hands right now, not what would be in my hands if things were different. But they aren't. I am learning these things the hard way, and I appreciate the gentleness toward them that your words help me cultivate. I especially appreciate your suggestion at the end, to name three things I am actually capable of doing. Sounds simple, but for a chronic over-doer (I'm an Enneagram 5, but have heavy 1 tendencies) it is not. Just today I had to tell an organization that I actually can't do for them what I thought I could. I will be thinking about your question tomorrow. Thanks for sharing it.
Good for you, Rita! Literally. Learning to say "this doesn't work for me after all" is just as important as learning to move things forward. In fact, that is a kind of moving forward, isn't it?
Very grateful you are on this journey with me, stone by stone. I have a lot left to learn, and it helps to have kind hearts alongside to help shed light where it's needed.
Is is a kind of moving forward (just as saying “no” is often a way of saying “yes”). I’m grateful for your kind heart, too, though I can think of other journeys I’d much prefer to travel with you!
Oof...isn't that the truth!? ❤️🩹
YES! your tenor isn't tenuous: it's perfect pitch for my aged ears!!
Thank you, Jill! What a sweet framing. I did wonder if you meant my sing-song Towhee call in the audio voiceover🐦⬛ 🎶 or the tenor of the essay as a whole. Either way, I'm grateful.
Mostly the tenor of your essay.
All of this is a gift, Elizabeth, especially the lines: "The question, especially now, when so many of us are standing in front of problems too large to fix, is whether we can stop staring at what we can’t do long enough to see what we can."
Today I could copy the roughest possible draft of a poem onto a new page in my notebook, revising as I copied. I could take an assortment of recycling downstairs to the bins, and spend some time cleaning up the leaf-litter under the plants in the lobby of my apartment building. I can spend time reading the Substack posts in my inbox and responding to them.
I can write. I can pray. I can pay attention.
That sounds like quite a lot of accomplishment to me. All of them and in particular the final three. Thank you for writing, praying, and paying attention so consistently, and for reading so thoughtfully. Much appreciated.
We have had towhees at our feeder for the first time in years. Maybe it's a movement.
I love your slide show, especially the "one tender practical decision" made by the couple. I took the Enneagram thirty years ago. I was a 4: Individualist. Reformer was my trajectory for growth. I don't know if I have budged from my position. But Reformer fits how I experience you.
"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." That's Arthur Ashe (I think). It's always been my mantra for agency.
These days have felt like a test of immediacy - finding what works in any given moment to keep an even keel. I really like the idea of asking 'what is in my hands, right now?'
Reminds me of the Zen quote: "Before Enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment chop wood, carry water".
I am an INFP, btw.
Hmm...I'm sure I replied to this before now, Stew. Maybe I forgot to actually hit "Reply." I cheaped out and skipped the paid report on my Enneagram, so I've been sort of piecing the information together from other resources, but Reformer certainly felt right in the moment. I'm not sure how "trajectories for growth" are determined, but I gather it's not just which section shows up less prominently, which for me was 4. We really do need to have a sit down some day to dig in further. I'm fascinated by, and more or less ignorant about these tests, but my gut tells me mine have a tendency to not capture *all* of me. As if any test could to do that for anyone?
Thanks for the thoughtful comment, as always. I especially love the Zen quote.
Elizabeth, this brought me to tears—the tenderness of it, but also the grounded practicality. And we must be tuned into the same psychic frequency because I just wrote about needing to figure out a single next step—which seems very in tune with figuring out what your hands can hold.
So many people in my circles are in this mode of thinking. And that is actually is one of the places I find hope. Thanks, Irena. Looking forward to reading your piece.
Okay: I’m late as usual to read your essays , but that’s just the procrastinator in me.
Like you , nature ( in particular birds) and plants have always been what keeps me alive, sane, happy, and grounded. So , I have been sowing native seeds in jugs outside in the hopes that they germinate and grow sometime soon.
I also shared your essay with two friends of mine - a kind of sowing as well .
Many thanks to you Elizabeth !
There is no "late," Melody. I'm honored that you're reading anytime. Your native seeding project sounds wonderful. I've prioritized natives in my yard, but some have been repeatedly unsuccessful, so it's hard to be sure what works in a given area. I'm working toward another bird and pollinator-friendly area but will be looking for established plants to transplant in. Let's keep each other updated on how it's going!
So many thanks for sowing this piece 'out there.' Just lovely.
Nice ! I wish I lived near you : we could exchange plants 🪴, I always start more natives than I have room for !!
Do I know where you are, Melody? Feel free to DM if that's better. :)
Elizabeth - this is a beautiful post, and I love the juxtaposition of several different threads of observation, the natural world, and the observation of real people living real lives. The series of tenants after the daughter moved... is something you are so good at bringing to life. The violets... I love that, really. And I remember the source of the violets. So many good lines here... hard to choose what to restack. Hope the light change went easily.
As for the enneagram... I'm all for taking a few different tests or reading/listening to some discussion of the type to be sure... but I can see the one. I can. I love how it may have sparked thinking about others, too. As a way to think about how others respond to things, it can be such an interesting tool, in additional to introspection.
Thanks for the exploration inspiration, Amy, and I didn't get a chance yet to remark on the song podcast. I've only listened to one--One--which, luckily for me, was first in the line-up. Wow, what a heart connection that was! I want to listen to them all just haven't had time yet. I appreciate all that you remember.